I have been having a huge issue. When my daughter has a meltdown or is pre-meltdown, it seems to trigger me pretty fast. Does anyone else have issues with their children triggering their own meltdown? I have been hiding my meltdowns from them, they never see me having one. But does anyone have some advice with what to do to defuse impending meltdowns from both the child and for the parent? It also seems like when I am very tense, it triggers her into a meltdown.

Thoughts or ideas anyone?

I don't have kids, so I don't get triggered by my kids meltdowns, but my boyfriend and I deal with the same sort of issues. I get triggered by his meltdowns. He gets triggered by my meltdowns.

How much can your husband deal with her meltdowns and how much do you have to? How much can you get away when you need to? How much have you built up skills to try to prevent your own meltdowns that have nothing to do with being triggered by her?

(Also - on here, should I use names or should I avoid them - I'm used to talking in the IRC channel where I know what you prefer and I don't know what you prefer for on the forums)

that's a tough spot! I can see that it would be a problem on a daily basis! I don't have SPD, but I often refer to myself as a "frazzled mess." It takes a lot to deal with my kids and it gets me acting crazy myself. I know that when my son has a motor planning problem, for example, if I get it in my head that he WILL follow directions and put the cup on the table or whatever then I feel myself getting heated up and poof I start yelling. I don't want to be the mom that yells.... ESPECIALLY when it is simply that my kid is frozen in time with a motor planning problem, not a behavioral one. Sad thing is the yelling will jolt him out the freeze and magically he can follow directions and make a motor plan, so I'm like Pavlov's dog here being taught to go for the scream (make sense?)

anyway, I don't know how much that is the same or not... but I think the answer is to be even more keyed into what is going to set you kid in a tail spin. If you see the signs, then if you have time to react with in a positive way, then great, if not, at least provide some space for you and you kid so you aren't adding to each others overload.

How old is your kid? can you stand on the front porch for example? So her meltdown isn't right in your face?

Have you tried classical music? Or a noise machine?
just thoughts...

The daughter of hers that has the bad meltdowns is 2 years old.

Hey Heather - I hide all of my meltdowns too. Is there any sensory things that both of you enjoy? For instance - textiles? I just bought these honeycomb like silicone pads (for hot stuff in the kitchen) at Walmart - The funny thing is - I bought them - because of the feeling of them - so soft, and they like suction on to your hands and fingers when you press them. Funnier - is my boys LOVE them too. My oldest said he wants a blanket made out of it! My youngest asked me the other day, why a rubbery haired frog ball we have, feels so soft and good. I have almost every possible type of hand held ball for the feelings of them.

I think, since your daughter is so young - that simple sensory, enjoyable, things might help you both. Like maybe a smell you both like a lot, or music, even visuals, in my experience, can take me from near meltdown, enough to prevent it. These are all things that, in my opinion, you can be any age to enjoy.

Experiment to find what works for you, and her. That is kind of what I have recently been doing here at my house lately, with the kids. I have always been the kind of mom that made the kids stop and smell the roses, mint, grass, and look at the sunsets, clouds, made them feel the first snowflake of the season, look at bugs, birds, plants, and so on. You know that song, from Creed, "with arms wide open"? I use that as my mantra if you will. Honestly listening to the lyrics, make me cry - happy - everytime. Knowing that I sure am trying to show them everything good.

Even if you can ground yourself better - in the moment - it can help her get grounded quicker too. I know that it is super hard. Honestly - I went through it this morning with my youngest. All I can say is that, had I not stopped myself from being engulfed in the whole meltdown, his would not have only lasted 5 minutes. And our day would have been over "like" at 8am. Ugh. And trust me - I am not even sure how I stopped myself this time, or how he recovered so quickly.

I am overly intrigued these days, on ways to find that pleasant sensory quick fix - like smelling something great, or looking at a pretty potted plant (put it behind my sink - and for the first time - no meltdown doing dishes!), listening to great music, having the honeycomb pot holder, at the kitchen table - for no hot pot! Scratch and sniff stickers, seriously considering the weighted blanket. Maybe I am just lucky, that my mind quickly can break a thought process after all, just by a smell, sight or sound. Its a hard, hard, and sharp double edge sword though.

You are very resourcefull though Heather! I know you can make it work!

(08-08-2012, 09:24 PM)Tuttleturtle Wrote: I don't have kids, so I don't get triggered by my kids meltdowns, but my boyfriend and I deal with the same sort of issues. I get triggered by his meltdowns. He gets triggered by my meltdowns.

How much can your husband deal with her meltdowns and how much do you have to? How much can you get away when you need to? How much have you built up skills to try to prevent your own meltdowns that have nothing to do with being triggered by her?

(Also - on here, should I use names or should I avoid them - I'm used to talking in the IRC channel where I know what you prefer and I don't know what you prefer for on the forums)

Well right now, my husband started back working. So I am with her all day by myself until he gets home a little after 5. When he gets home he will try and help take over especially if I have had a bad day with everything going on. As for getting away, there isn't much of that. I have built up some alright skills to cope with stuff that isn't triggered by her. I can tolerate a good portion of daily stresses, however, she is the quickest trigger lol. Especially when she is having a meltdown.

(I really don't mind you using names either TuttleTurtle so no worries there)

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(08-08-2012, 10:55 PM)bethxyz Wrote: that's a tough spot! I can see that it would be a problem on a daily basis! I don't have SPD, but I often refer to myself as a "frazzled mess." It takes a lot to deal with my kids and it gets me acting crazy myself. I know that when my son has a motor planning problem, for example, if I get it in my head that he WILL follow directions and put the cup on the table or whatever then I feel myself getting heated up and poof I start yelling. I don't want to be the mom that yells.... ESPECIALLY when it is simply that my kid is frozen in time with a motor planning problem, not a behavioral one. Sad thing is the yelling will jolt him out the freeze and magically he can follow directions and make a motor plan, so I'm like Pavlov's dog here being taught to go for the scream (make sense?)

anyway, I don't know how much that is the same or not... but I think the answer is to be even more keyed into what is going to set you kid in a tail spin. If you see the signs, then if you have time to react with in a positive way, then great, if not, at least provide some space for you and you kid so you aren't adding to each others overload.

How old is your kid? can you stand on the front porch for example? So her meltdown isn't right in your face?

Have you tried classical music? Or a noise machine?
just thoughts...

Yea I can relate, and it totally makes sense. My daughter is 2, so typically her meltdowns are in my face :/ I will if it gets too bad, go out and smoke. When she gets into a spiral, nothing appeases her. She has a noise machine, however, she hates any noise when she is in a meltdown.

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(08-09-2012, 11:04 AM)shorrocksalot24 Wrote: Hey Heather - I hide all of my meltdowns too. Is there any sensory things that both of you enjoy? For instance - textiles? I just bought these honeycomb like silicone pads (for hot stuff in the kitchen) at Walmart - The funny thing is - I bought them - because of the feeling of them - so soft, and they like suction on to your hands and fingers when you press them. Funnier - is my boys LOVE them too. My oldest said he wants a blanket made out of it! My youngest asked me the other day, why a rubbery haired frog ball we have, feels so soft and good. I have almost every possible type of hand held ball for the feelings of them.

I think, since your daughter is so young - that simple sensory, enjoyable, things might help you both. Like maybe a smell you both like a lot, or music, even visuals, in my experience, can take me from near meltdown, enough to prevent it. These are all things that, in my opinion, you can be any age to enjoy.

Experiment to find what works for you, and her. That is kind of what I have recently been doing here at my house lately, with the kids. I have always been the kind of mom that made the kids stop and smell the roses, mint, grass, and look at the sunsets, clouds, made them feel the first snowflake of the season, look at bugs, birds, plants, and so on. You know that song, from Creed, "with arms wide open"? I use that as my mantra if you will. Honestly listening to the lyrics, make me cry - happy - everytime. Knowing that I sure am trying to show them everything good.

Even if you can ground yourself better - in the moment - it can help her get grounded quicker too. I know that it is super hard. Honestly - I went through it this morning with my youngest. All I can say is that, had I not stopped myself from being engulfed in the whole meltdown, his would not have only lasted 5 minutes. And our day would have been over "like" at 8am. Ugh. And trust me - I am not even sure how I stopped myself this time, or how he recovered so quickly.

I am overly intrigued these days, on ways to find that pleasant sensory quick fix - like smelling something great, or looking at a pretty potted plant (put it behind my sink - and for the first time - no meltdown doing dishes!), listening to great music, having the honeycomb pot holder, at the kitchen table - for no hot pot! Scratch and sniff stickers, seriously considering the weighted blanket. Maybe I am just lucky, that my mind quickly can break a thought process after all, just by a smell, sight or sound. Its a hard, hard, and sharp double edge sword though.

You are very resourcefull though Heather! I know you can make it work!

Thanks for the tips and the encouragement I will be trying some of them

Based off of what my therapist's suggestions for us are - she'd probably suggest that one of the things you should do is try to find coping strategies for meltdowns in general, not trying to make them specific to her, and then find ways to make them particular to the meltdowns triggered to her. If you have some coping strategies, but you're not completely solid on knowing what to do if you're triggered by something other than her, then remember to keep working on those and then try to figure out how to apply those to when you're triggered by her. It's harder to apply when triggerd by a person, but its easier when they're figured out already.

(And this is a combination of suggestions from my therapist and dog training methods... I'm amused)

(08-09-2012, 01:43 PM)Tuttleturtle Wrote: Based off of what my therapist's suggestions for us are - she'd probably suggest that one of the things you should do is try to find coping strategies for meltdowns in general, not trying to make them specific to her, and then find ways to make them particular to the meltdowns triggered to her. If you have some coping strategies, but you're not completely solid on knowing what to do if you're triggered by something other than her, then remember to keep working on those and then try to figure out how to apply those to when you're triggered by her. It's harder to apply when triggerd by a person, but its easier when they're figured out already.

(And this is a combination of suggestions from my therapist and dog training methods... I'm amused)

Thanks a bunch TuttleTurtle Will definitely have to try and find some better coping strategies for meltdowns. It's hard when what I know does work for me, I can't do because there is no way I can escape off to do them. But, back to the drawing board to see what works