Here's the first of several old posts of mine I will be bringing over from the other groups. I wanted to share this one, as I found it humorous.
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How To Cleanse the Soul
Fun with Auditory Processing Dysfunction

Having a significant case of Sensory Processing Disorder, I have multiple forms of dysfunction in the way my brain processes any of it's senses. For instance, in my auditory processing, I often misinterpret words, sounds, syllables, or inflections. In this example, I will show how this particular 'disability' can generate some rather humorous results. This is precisely what happened during this wonderful moment, when I 'mis'-heard perhaps the best tip for 'cleansing the soul' that I may have ever received.

I was in the eighth grade, attending a small private Catholic school (although I'm Protestant) and sitting through another difficult mass with our terrific Italian priest. Our previous priest had been an exciting man who always grabbed my attention with interesting and insightful dialogues that seemed to reach me. The new priest aimed all of his sermons towards the younger students in our middle and elementary school melting pot. I had a hard time keeping my concentration on him as I spent most homilies leaning forward with my right hand holding my chin to keep my eyes and mind from wondering off.

One mass, during the Lenten season, our priest was giving his sermon on how effective the act of depriving ourselves of certain edible pleasures is at clearing our minds and souls (OK, I don't necessarily recommend certain forms of fasting for someone with SPD, but that's besides the point). At one particular moment during the sermon, he told us "When you give up chocolate, you cleanse your soul."

I immediately started shaking uncontrollably, as I bit my fingers to keep myself from bursting into laughter. Other people around me shot me quizzical looks and questioning stares. Apparently, no one else found this very funny, at all.

You see, I hadn't heard "When you give UP chocolate", I had heard, "When you give A BUTT chocolate, you cleanse your soul." At that moment, my severe boredom and dreams of escape were met with the beautiful imagery of distributing 'butt chocolates' to rectify my spirit during Lent. The idea was so funny, I drew the attention of my strict nearby teachers, and almost had to remove myself from the group. I could not believe they didn't find this funny, but I later came to realize... they hadn't heard what I had heard.

Living with an auditory processing dysfunction is no joke, but sometimes, God throws in a little bit of humor. It's just for those who can hear it. This was, and now it's also for the great readers of this site.

Keep helping yourself and those you love, and success shall come, but never forget to find the humor in where you are now.
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Originally written by Dan Travis - March 2008, edited - Feb. 09

Oh. What do you mean everyone else didn't hear Butt Chocolate! How sad...

I misinterpret what other people say all the time. Often I purposely repeat the crazy thing I heard to make others laugh. It is an easy way to break the ice in a group of stuffy strangers. So I have always considered this "feature" to be a "gift", despite it causing problems in the work place.

(06-19-2010, 03:05 AM)beck7422 Wrote: Oh. What do you mean everyone else didn't hear Butt Chocolate! How sad...

I have always considered this "feature" to be a "gift", despite it causing problems in the work place.

I know, other people don't know what they're missing, right? LOL
I too consider it a gift at times, though a struggle at others. That's how most things are in life, I suppose. Everything comes with an upside and an upset, and life is a collection of these things. We live for the upside, and cope with the upset.

Oh, I've had moments like this! Especially talking to my husband, who speaks in a range that is difficult for me to distinguish words with his Southern drawl. Some of those are priceless!

I think I can find Butt Chocolate cleansing for my soul and "rectifying" my colon!

Ah, that takes me back to the 13 total years I spent in Catholic school. I used to fall asleep in those masses (especially in late spring when it was hot) - no A/C in schools back then. Thanks for sharing that story, Dan - I needed a good laugh!

(06-23-2010, 01:16 PM)sejohn1969 Wrote: no A/C in schools back then

Funny you should mention that. We didn't have A/C either! This was about 8 years ago, and it was the last year the school was held in that building. We had no AC, old bathrooms, a boiler room that (up until the mid 90s) had been used as a paddling room (no joke), and 3 of our classes were held in rat-infested portables.

Our masses were held in the same room (a gym with a stage) that we used for gym, assemblies, basketball and volleyball games, school plays, band class and the winter band concert. It used to be a cafeteria as well, but they got rid of that and started having kids just eat in the classroom. We even had to hold Jazz Band class in the science classroom. We would literally move desks out of the way to fit a drum set .

As soon as I graduated, they opened the next fall in a brand new, $3.6 million school with AC, a full college-sized indoor basketball court/gym, a band room, and plenty more classrooms to accommodate the new Kindergarten and Preschool. I was a little jealous , but at least the old school used old fashioned bells, instead of those newer electronic bells that I can't stand. Annoy and startle the crap outa me.

The Catholic grade school I attended was similar to what you described. The high school I went to was a bit better-funded (apparently). We had mass in a large auditorium (which was only otherwise used for school plays and assemblies). There were about 1,600 kids in my high school (400 in my graduating class).

That really stinks that they opened a much better facility right after you graduated. Although you are right about those electronic bells - they always got my back up (and I don't have SPD)!

I have problems with fire, earthquake, and tornado alarms. They startle me and then trigger my Periodic Paralysis (due to the adrenaline rush dropping my Potassium levels in the blood serum). So I paralyze in place and someone has to carry me to safety.

We actually had an Earthquake today in Michigan. I grew up in California and know what to do in an Earthquake. However, instead I just stayed paralyzed in bed thinking through what I should have done during the Earthquake. I am very lucky that it wasn't a major Earthquake.

Although I don't think I have Auditory Processing Disorder, I've had my fun with other things that occur because of SPD. One of my favorite memories, which is funny to me but wasn't so at the time, was when I had a friend over. I'm kinda paranoid sometimes, so I double check and make sure the locks are actually locked before I go to bed. I'm very blind in the dark, too, just fyi. I've woken up before in a panic because I couldn't see which direction I was facing- I was completely lost in my own room.

Well one night my friend is over, and I decide to go check the lock before we go to bed. I walk to the living room with my hands out to my sides , like an airplane, so I wouldn't bump into things besides me like walls or tables. Guess I should've had my hands in front of me, because a few steps later BAM! I smack face first into the entertainment center that my mom had moved to paint behind the walls. After some pain and some laughter of 'How did I manage?', my friend takes one look at me and is like 'Uh Sila, your nose is bleeding. What the heck did you do?" and so I busted out into more laughter. xD

I've had a lot more funny experiences, like crawling down steps on all fours because i don't trust myself to go up stairs on 2 legs. :p

I have crawlen up and down stairs. Usually when I HAVE to climb them but my chance of falling is high. Usually restroom related. Nothing else is important enough for me to crawl up stairs anymore.