Yeah, this Monday I will go to my very first AA meeting. I decided it was time, after I drank more than a liter of Jameson last night. It didn't make me feel any better, yet I kept on craving to drink more and more.

I have had more than just a few binge drink experiences in this lifetime. It's time for me to stop this bullshit.

I have tried to stop drinking on my own, and I have proven to myself that does not really work for me. I am too weak to stop drinking on my own free will - and to be completely frank, I feel more than just a bit pathetic over that. That does not agree with my pride all that much.

Well, wish me luck. A sober future for myself is what I am aiming for. I have had more than just a few binge drinking sessions the last month alone, it's time for me to give it a permanent rest. No more Jameson for me in this lifetime. I wish I can say I would not miss it, even though it never made me feel any better. Ah, well.

Kaworuchan, that is awesome .

You know you have my support on this, totally. My father is a recovering alcoholic, and has been going to meetings since 1987. 23 years and still sober. My mom is also a recovering addict of other sorts, and she's been abstaining for 10 years now. I have never actually been to a meeting myself, but I know more about Program than pretty much any other 'outsider' you'll ever meet, LOL.

It is a wonderful program, and I know you will meet people there with stories so similar to yours it will probably scare you. Lots of SPDers at those meetings. My dad is one of them . I have a ton of respect for those who can let down their pride and admit to themselves and those around them that they have a problem, and that they can't take care of it by themselves, that they need help. It's a big step, but if you're genuinely about to take it, you have my utmost respect and support, you know it .

Yay!!! Best wishes, praying for you as always.

Wow, I am impressed! It takes so much courage to admit one needs outside help with something like that. I definitely wish you all the best with that. I hope you'll keep us updated on how it goes, no matter the direction.

Yeah, I'll keep you updated.

I went to the meeting last night, and it proved to be rewarding. I think this will really help me kick the liquor for good, even though it will be tough at times, the end result will most likely be worth the effort.

Don't have a sponsor yet, but I'll get one on Friday's meeting. I found a gay AA meeting that gets together twice a week, and another gay-friendly AA meeting at a church within walking distance from my apartment on Tuesday nights. That's three meetings a week for me.

Well, wish me luck. Right now, I am at my aunt's house, and trying to keep myself busy the best I can, to not have a relapse so soon after my last binge. Heh.

Oh, that is so awesome that they have gay-friendly chapters in your area. I was hoping that would be the case. My area is (unfortunately) rather homophobic, being in the Bible belt, so I was concerned on that score. Good for you for looking out for that important need.

Sadly, I did break my sobriety today. I saw a bottle of Seagram's VO in the liquor cabinet in this house, and before I knew it, I was pouring myself a fairly large drink (about 4 or 5 shots in one glass) out of it.

I took a few sips, then I thought to myself, "What the ***** am I doing?", and poured the rest of it down the sink. Couldn't put it back in the bottle after all of the ice I put in that glass, after all.....

So, my four-day sobriety is officially broken. Ah, well.

Yes, but you also caught yourself before you finished the whole thing. That awareness is a major victory. And next time, you'll catch it before you drink. One step at a time.

Whatever you do, I hope you won't beat yourself up. You may have done something you didn't want, but it was also a step in the right direction for the next time you face temptation. Give yourself a little credit for that, at least.

Yeah, I guess I will give myself some credit for that. Not too much, though.

I went to my second meeting tonight, and the people at the two meetings I went to were full of life and they were very friendly. I dreaded going to AA meetings because I have seen them depicted in movies and documentaries as being very sad and glum places that are overflowing with people who really don't want to quit drinking (frankly, before my first meeting, I thought they would only make me want to have a few drinks after the meeting was finished)...... and my experience so far has been the complete opposite of that. Maybe I just got lucky and found two of the better groups that are around. Who knows?

It sounds like you have. And that's pretty darn awesome. Plus, never underestimate the power of small victories. It is only by making a collection of small victories that we can make a big one.

30 days of sobriety.

I would say, "YaY, me!", but I could have never done this alone. Heh.