My handsome, sweet son just turned 3 this past May. About a week before, he was approved for OT, PT, Speech Consultation and Special Education services to address his special needs. Technicially, my son was never diagnosised with Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD or any other condition. We are currently on several very long waiting lists to see a developmental pediatrician. I, however, know my son has SPD. That used to be really hard for me to say out loud... or even to myself. He son never developed "normally." He didn't roll over, crawl or walk on time. And, there was always an insane amount of drool on his bibs. His pediatrician ALWAYS dismissed my concerns. He did achieve the same goals as other children but much later. It still never occurred to me something was wrong; I just felt like a failure as a mother. I felt as if my short comings caused his delay. I'm still trying to cope with that. He started to receive Birth to 3 services when he was 18 months old. It helped but not enough. My husband and I were working full-time, so my son was going to daycare during the day. He struggled so much. I got "incident reports" everyday about his bititng, hitting and other aggressive behavoir. The Birth to 3 OT used to go to school to talk to them about strageties but the daycare didn't take it too seriously. That was probably because I didn't take it seriously. Friends and family (including my husband) kept telling me there was nothing wrong with Jacob and it was in my head. My husband used to say that "I wanted something to be wrong." So I think that stalled some much needed services. We did go through the motions of Birth to 3, but he probably could have gotten alot more out of it. Because of his issues at daycare and because his special ed school is only 2.5 hours a day, I had to quit my job to be home with Jacob. Some days are such a struggle. Some nights after he goes to bed, all I can do is cry. I feel so inadequate. At least at my job, I got a "thank you" or "good job". I never get that at home. I know it is his struggle, not mine. But sometimes I am not sure if I could make it through the day. I love my son with all my heart. He is the only thing I always knew that I always wanted, but somedays are really tough. Today was just one of those days.

I never intended to write all of this. I just never had anyone to talk to about it. Thanks for reading my story.

Jackie.