I'm so upset with hubby. I told him about son's IEP/PPT meeting today weeks ago but he told me this morning that it's not possible for him to go. I know he was in Indy on Monday and Tuesday this week, and he has two cakes this weekend, but I told him to put this on his calendar weeks ago. He doesn't have a couple frickin' hours for his son?!

I've been very worried about older son lately. He's been saying he's a bad person, he's dumb, no one cares about him, no one listens to him, he should run away, and he should kill himself. He had an appt with the therapist on Monday, but he wouldn't open up, just very defensive and shut down. Nothing's wrong, why would anything be wrong? According to him.

NNTR, just needed to vent and cry.

* Malynn virtual hug

(06-07-2012, 08:51 AM)LynnNBoys Wrote: I've been very worried about older son lately. He's been saying he's a bad person, he's dumb, no one cares about him, no one listens to him, he should run away, and he should kill himself. He had an appt with the therapist on Monday, but he wouldn't open up, just very defensive and shut down. Nothing's wrong, why would anything be wrong? According to him.

I see those symptoms as very worrying. By chance is he on any sort of allergy or asthma drug? My son started out with those symptoms and they progressed to suicidal ideation when he was 4 years old.

Turns out Flonase (for asthma) is known to cause that type of mood change, as are other, similar drugs. We stopped the Flonase and in about a week saw a huge improvement in mood, and no more talk of death or suicide.

Too many drugs aren't tested enough before doctors start prescribing them for children, and the side effects can be horrifying.

Tell him clearly that he is a good person, that he is your bright boy, that you love him, that you want him to tell you everything he is thinking about, and that you need him around to be happy.

Put all the love and sincerity behind each of those statements. If he doesn't believe you, start giving very specific examples.

He is smart, because just yesterday he figured out X and that is something you didn't think a child his age could have figured out already. Throw in examples where his thought process has impressed you.

He is a good person, because he helped you put away his toys so you wouldn't step on them.

You love him, because [insert long stream of why here].

You want to know what he is thinking about things because you find him smart and interesting. Ask his opinion about adult problems you are having (money, friendships, time management). Allow him to feel like he is contributing to your well being.

List a few ways that just his presence makes the world a better place for you.

Thanks everyone! The meeting went well and I'm feeling reassured. Hubby didn't go, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He's been to only one of four meetings, and he was upset after that one. I think because he's still in a bit of denial that anything is wrong.

For next year, he won't have any extra support for math, which is his strength. He'll continue to get help with writing which is his weakest area. He'll have social skills group still but will also get help with coping with anxiety. Overall, he's had a super year considering it was a big transition for him to middle school. It's just in the last 5-6 weeks that his anxiety and stress levels have gone up. We thought it was a combination of things--he was out sick for a day, his 11th birthday in May, being taken out of class for testing, no consistent schedule during this end of school year time (more field trips, special guests, etc). His anxiety has gotten better over the last day or two.

I'm going to have him end the private social skills group he goes to every Monday. The doc says he is a role model for the other boys (2 are on the spectrum, 1 is SPD/ADHD/OCD). But I'm going to start the one-on-one again. Instead of going to the woman he had been seeing (at same office as his social skills), I'll see if his social skills doc has any individual therapy appts open. Maybe my son would be more comfortable with that doc.

I do give him the reassurance when he says those negative things. I try to counter them with the positive things I see in him. I continue to reassure him that I will love him always, no matter what he does, no matter what. I tell him how much I would miss him if he was gone.

It's hard sometimes because I feel like the blind leading the blind. I don't always handle my own anxiety and depression well, how am I supposed to help and guide him?

He doesn't have asthma. He does have seasonal allergies but he rarely takes any allergy medicine for it. He takes chewable Claritin. He wouldn't tolerate any of the ones you squirt in the nose.

(06-09-2012, 11:43 AM)LynnNBoys Wrote: I do give him the reassurance when he says those negative things. I try to counter them with the positive things I see in him. I continue to reassure him that I will love him always, no matter what he does, no matter what. I tell him how much I would miss him if he was gone.

He doesn't have asthma. He does have seasonal allergies but he rarely takes any allergy medicine for it. He takes chewable Claritin. He wouldn't tolerate any of the ones you squirt in the nose.

Glad the meeting went well, but reassurance is not enough for a child talking about feeling worthless and dying.

First, don't assume that Claritin can't be harmful because it doesn't require a prescription.
Claritin and suicide risk
further info on Claritin risks

Please continue to pursue the root cause of your son's feelings. There is something causing them. It could be medical, it could be a life event, it could something we can't even guess, but it is important.