My husband has custody of 2 of his grandchildren the youngest one 4 just got diagnose with spd. And autism. Autism being mild spd high I relize I have to treat her with some different rules and give her some room and I'm totally okay wit it however I try to treat her normal she knows the rules and is always given a warning and reminded of the rules there are times when she just acts out (all kids do) and those times I need to punish her I try putting her on the wall no good I try taking something away no good so I put her in her room some times its ok then others she screams and screams how do I punish. Her I'm lost and need advise

Can you take the time to explain why the rules are so important? Then when an infraction happens ask the child why they broke the rule?

I know a lot of people think a 4 year old can't handle logic that young, but I have found that kids are able to handle simple rule logic as young as 3. I have used it to help kids understand that they can't do certain behaviors around me or I won't be able to play with them. When they forget, well I stop being able to play with them. My actions match my verbal logic I gave to them earlier, so they tend to handle it well.

The mild autistics I have met tend to be very logical, just don't contradict yourself because they will call you out on it.

(05-13-2012, 03:32 AM)beck7422 Wrote: Can you take the time to explain why the rules are so important? Then when an infraction happens ask the child why they broke the rule.

With my SPD/non-autistic kid, asking him why he did something wrong is fasttrack to a major meltdown. He completely lacks that insight into his own behavior, and that question just stresses him beyond his coping skills.

When it comes to crime and punishment, I have to clearly state the crime, reiterate why it was wrong and state the punishment in calm and clear language. If he broke something/made a mess, he has to clean it up. Other crimes require him to do extra chores, and 4 yr old can certainly do chores. If my son is upset or agitated after being caught doing something wrong, the only punishment that works is time alone, sitting on his bed, with no toys or books.

Time outs have worked for us. Especially if things have escalated to meltdown stage. I tell him that the X behavior is unacceptable and he sits in timeout for 5 minutes or until he's calm. Then I ask him if he knows why he's in timeout. If yes, then he apologizes for it. If not, I remind him of what he did and that it is not allowed, then he apologizes. Not just Sorry, but Sorry for doing X. We use our dining room for timeouts because it's the most boring room in the house. . No toys or TV or other distractions.

We also will take away privileges if it's appropriate for the situation.

---

Oh and I try to talk about what behavior would be a better choice if it happens again. Instead of doing X, Y would be better choice.

I'm also big on preventing unacceptable behavior. If we are going some place, grocery store, restaurant, I talk to my boys about what behavior IS acceptable. Not just the things they shouldn't do, but the way they should act. Walking feet, softer inside voices, please and thank you, no climbing on things, hands to yourself, etc. things go smoother when they know what is expected of them.

Time outs work for our daughter also. We pretty much do the same thing LynnNBoys does. Regarding prevention, I find our daughter requires a lot more reminders. I've found I can't expect her to remember an hour into a shopping trip that I told her at the outset to use her indoor voice. I'm pretty in tune with her warning signs of oncoming bad behavior, and I have a quick "review" talk with her before it escalates, then give her something to do to sidetrack her. You know the saying, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."
I'm really close to finishing the book Sensational Kids by Lucy Jane Miller, and I really value what she writes about A Sensational Secret (pg. 68-71). I think it applies to preventing undesirable behavior.

we use the "1..2..3 Magic" our oldest get lost when you take time to talk when hes already in action of a wrong...
So 1 is a ALL Encompass warning to ALL things.... 1 is a FULL STOP of your action ... 2 is a FULL on warning of punishment, and 3 is punishment... 99% of the time that is a time out, and time out is ALWAYS on a clearly marked area of the house that never changes, in public its agenst a wall.... we NEVER leave a area due to behavior, i feel that enables a child to get what he wants... i act up.. i get to go somewhere new or home. right where I want to be.
I also always sit them facing out so back agenst the wall eyes out.. and he stayes there till he does at least 4 minutes if not longer, and if hes crying or calling out to me i dont respond and he dosnt get out of time out till hes stopped his "loud" crying, ... on rare intances say he excaped our safty messures and ignores me and runs into the road and nearly missed getting creamed by a car.. he gets a spanking 1-2 smacks on the butt with my hand, and a hard voice "THATS timeout,Mister!!!"

after time outs is when i talk to him and get him to repeat back what he did wrong and WHY it was wrong.. i also make him say he's sorry to injured party or to me .. then if something needs cleaning up, like he broke something then we clean it up togeather... time outs and talking to's is ALWAYS followed by hugs and love yous,, and when we clean up, its always done as partners with lots of good jobs,... and we never hold a time out in grudge.. so if its his 3rd timeout of the day theres no yelling or I cant belive your in T.O. AGAIN!! each T.O. is treated as if its the 1st one of the day....

i also know days will be worst then others... and food can change his moods, if he hasnt had enough protien his days spiral in to meltdown after meltdowns... so i try to give my picky eater as much protien in a day.. also under DRs orders coffee, as coffee calms him down... he doent get it everyday... but i do use coffee on bad days to try to help him reset to a better day.

good luck.
I have 2 with SPD, so its all trial.. our youngest is almost 3 and we STILL havent found a way to reach her in this chapter of the book of Life

Rules on the autistic spectrum are important. Matter of fact - break a rule an aspie set in their life and meltdown is likely to happen. But that said - if you have made a rule, it has to be a rule that makes sense to the child. If your grand daughter doesn't see the logic or point of a rule - I bet she will continually break that rule. Especially if she is the logical type. Explain the rule in a way she can relate to.

Just make sure these rules can not morph into something harmful in the long run. See a good example here... http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/...rules.html

Having SPD is one thing - being an aspie or autie adds a whole new ballgame. Try searching wrongplanet.net when it comes to autism issues. The biggest gift you can give your grandchild is learning to understand her on a deep intuitive level. Which you probably already know

But being majorly misunderstood my entire life compels me to add that last bit onto my post. I hope all works out for you and yours.