At my church we have 6 men training to become pastors. Two of which happen to be my husband and my cousin.
August of 2010 my cousins 31 day old baby passed away from SID's. I had watched Holden come in to the world and that Saturday morning I said good bye to him. By far the worst day of my life. That evening as I was sitting there holding his wife, my best friend, as she sobbed as reality was sitting in that her baby boy was really gone, my cousin asked me if we would be willing to drive them to church the next morning. I thought to myself, now that’s dedication. How many people would want to go celebrate Gods love after such a horrific thing just happened. I was mad at the Lord, angry questioning how he could ever let such a horrific thing happen. My husband and I agreed to take them. I had not been to their church, we were attending the church that my grandparents had attended and as much as Jon and Heidi praised their church we had not yet tried it. We went that morning and I’m not sure I had ever felt the lords presence in that way before. When entering the church, the welcome was over whelming. The congregation was sincere in their hugs and prayers. Even with my husband and I they were welcoming and put their arms around us as though to say you will get through this and it will get better while not saying anything at all. We went back the next week and the next and have not missed a Sunday since. I feel closer to God now than I ever have. My Husband too fell in love with the church and began spending time with the Pastor who saw a real spark in him and encouraged him to become a Pastor as well. If not for Holden’s life and death my husband would not be following his dream of becoming a pastor and I would not be able to get through daily life with out knowing the presence of the good Lord above.
You see, no matter how bad life gets or how horrible of a day my Lovey has, it can be so much worse and we need to thank God for what we do have. For the blessings of His presence to get us through the hard times and His love and acceptance everyday no matter what.
Raising a child with anxiety issues is by far one heck of a challenge but when times get tough I look up to heaven and ask for assistance and guidance and somehow realize that this is my life now and she is and always will be my baby and all the feeling bad for her and myself will not get us through that day. When days get rough I tell myself both What would Jesus do and Through Him all things are possible.
I would bring Holden back to be with us in a heart beat if given that chance and I would make my Loveys problems all go away if I could but I cant and the reality of that smacks me in the face, A LOT, even more so during the holidays. But I know that for whatever reason this was God’s plan for me and for my family. Does not mean that the hole I feel like digging and crawling into is not still a comforting thought or that there are some days that all this asking for His help is as easy as I may have made it sound, I still have bad days but in the end I get through it, with His help. When I think about it, that’s the only way I would get through it.

The Future Pastors Wife just Praising the Lord for his presence.
Thanks for listening.