Hi there,
I have ended up on this site as I am almost at my wits end and I'm looking for a little advice
Our darling daughter is 4 and has always had quirky ways eg I've always had to cut labels out of her tops, meltdown due to bumps in socks (seams), shoes have to be on so tight after several attempts, complains of scratchy materials, extremely high pain tolerance, always on the go, frequent tantrums/meltdowns and so the list goes on..
However, since starting pre school this year, her behaviour has got worse. It took her several weeks to settle at school with uniform, new rules etc and during that period she was unbearable to live with and to a degree this has continued (albeit she seems to be getting on well now at school)
My problem is my beloved husband together with close family and the couple of friends i have confided in just tell me she is in need of discipline and will grow out of it.. Particularly as the meltdowns and behaviour issues tend to only happen when I am around..
My interpretation, rightly or wrongly after doing a bit of research, is there is more to her behaviour..
Typically DD takes everything out on me (again, I'm around her the most) but it is just so draining..it feels like everything is a battle.. At present it feels I'm unable to do anything right. Whatever I try results in a meltdown and her being physically vile to me..(hitting/pushing etc)
I am beginning to wonder if everyone around me is right and our child is just so naughty and I need to be stricter with her?
I'm also worried as our poor son (6 yo) has less of my time as most of it is taken up by attempting to reason etc with his sibling
Does this story sound familiar to anyone???
I'm so sorry if this post sounds like " it's all about mom"! It certainly wasn't meant to. All I want is for a happy family life for all of us, especially poor DD...
She is such a bright spark, is extremely cute and can be so delightful (at times). She is also extremely arty and can lose herself in drawing for long periods.. This is great until I draw the heart wrong (or whatever other shape she demands I draw)!
Look forward to exploring this site and hopefully getting some answers..
Thank you in advance..

I'm more likely to meltdown when I'm around people who I trust. It sounds bad, and like I'm trying to manipulate them, but I'm not. I'm just more relaxed in a way that means meltdowns are more likely to occur if I'm around people I trust rather than people I don't. Meltdowns still occur sometimes when I'm not around them, but the frequency is much higher around them.

If I'm around people I don't trust I'm much more likely to completely withdraw, and shutdown, have everything in my body shutoff. Not be able to interact, because I can't. Rather than an external response, its a completely internal, not able to process, not able to do anything, not able to, not able to.

Meltdowns are an out of control response. They're not something we choose to do. They're not something we want to do. They are when our bodies cannot handle what is going on around us and it lashes out. It doesn't have to be physical, but it sometimes is.

Shutdowns, are similarly an out of control response. They're not us choosing to be uncooperative. They're us not being ABLE to do things.

They both happen. They sometimes vary based on situation. And it really doesn't help to try to force them to stop.

Working on reducing them. ABSOLUTELY. But that has to be done in its own way. Not by saying if you do it its wrong, because we CAN'T help it. We don't like it either.

But things like, learning how to recognize beforehand, when things are building up, and learning how to say I need a break. Learning what are triggers, both of you, learning to not push yourself or push her or have her push herself on things which should not be pushed. Learning when to stop, and how to recognize when to stop. Those are all extremely valuable.

Warning signs sometimes happen. Find those. It won't solve everything, but it should help.

And helping with sensory issues in general always helps.

Many thanks for your reply.
It's very interesting to hear from someone with sensory issues that can explain exactly how they are feeling..
I only wish I could take this feeling away from poor DD
She has an asssessment with OT this week so hopefully we can get some help
THanks again.

(04-23-2014, 04:09 PM)Tuttleturtle Wrote: I'm more likely to meltdown when I'm around people who I trust. It sounds bad, and like I'm trying to manipulate them, but I'm not. I'm just more relaxed in a way that means meltdowns are more likely to occur if I'm around people I trust rather than people I don't. Meltdowns still occur sometimes when I'm not around them, but the frequency is much higher around them.

If I'm around people I don't trust I'm much more likely to completely withdraw, and shutdown, have everything in my body shutoff. Not be able to interact, because I can't. Rather than an external response, its a completely internal, not able to process, not able to do anything, not able to, not able to.

Meltdowns are an out of control response. They're not something we choose to do. They're not something we want to do. They are when our bodies cannot handle what is going on around us and it lashes out. It doesn't have to be physical, but it sometimes is.

Shutdowns, are similarly an out of control response. They're not us choosing to be uncooperative. They're us not being ABLE to do things.

They both happen. They sometimes vary based on situation. And it really doesn't help to try to force them to stop.

Working on reducing them. ABSOLUTELY. But that has to be done in its own way. Not by saying if you do it its wrong, because we CAN'T help it. We don't like it either.

But things like, learning how to recognize beforehand, when things are building up, and learning how to say I need a break. Learning what are triggers, both of you, learning to not push yourself or push her or have her push herself on things which should not be pushed. Learning when to stop, and how to recognize when to stop. Those are all extremely valuable.

Warning signs sometimes happen. Find those. It won't solve everything, but it should help.

And helping with sensory issues in general always helps.