(01-05-2011, 10:54 PM)mawkinberd Wrote: Definitely. And everyone has completely different areas that are more or less sensitive, so definitely experiment with it.

One thing that helped my husband understand that it wasn't about him was when I explained the current theory about how and why the startle happens. It's basically that, even though the senses are working correctly, the base of the brain takes what would be normal to others and classifies it as dangerous. Since everything goes through the base of the brain first before the "thinking" brain, there is NO way you can change the startle process by "trying," and keeping on doing it only makes it worse, not better. It's not something you can train yourself out of. And that has been a major issue for us, and while I do have to remind him of that from time to time, after six months, he's finally "getting" it.

As for other things you avoid, if you're like me, you've normalized them. The more you read and relate with others, the more you will uncover and realize. And if your evaluation was anything like mine, the questionnaires alone will be a huge eye-opener. And that's all to the good; you'll be able to cut yourself some more slack as time goes on. And if you have an idea that something might be part of it, feel free to ask around. There will probably be someone here who can relate.

Thank you so much for that explanation. I didn't understand why I couldn't just get used to soft touch, but they way you explained it made SO much sense. I read it to my husband, and I think it helped him understand better too, because when we were cuddling last night, he only used a firm touch. It made a world of difference for me--I didn't experience the startle reflex at all, and I was able to tolerate being touched much longer than I have any other time lately. I also noticed that he changed the shower head to the massage setting for me, though I actually dislike that setting--it's too rough. But I think that he had listened and was trying to help me.

So things are looking up on the home front, and I'm feeling encouraged by that. I'm feeling slightly less (okay, a lot less) encouraged about getting diagnosed and getting help. But that is a different story...

Thanks again for the info and suggestions.