Hi there.
I simply cannot explain how I feel. I have been researching this whole subject as my 7yr old definately has this condition. Not yet diagnosed officially, but everything that I read could have been written with her in mind. No question. That is fantastic in itself, to have things to read and now this forum.
But that is not what has blown my mind. I have always felt that I am "different" somehow, especially emotionally. I have never been a coper - not physically, in fact I am superb in a crisis. But I am so not "right" emotionally.
Typical long story being condensed, but goes roughly like this; as a child I always had heightened emotions. I couldn't do goodbye, and would purposely avoid making friends on holiday etc because I could not say goodbye 2 weeks later. I wouldn't be able to cope on the last day of the holiday because I knew what was coming. Fast forward to becoming a Mum with our first child. I got severe post natal depression. Then after the second, and again after my third baby.
Since then I have been on anti-depressants and beta blockers for
anxiety. I have been diagnosed with OCD, and have extreme symptoms. People have teased me so much over the years because of my OCD tendencies. But some of my symptoms don't quite fit.
That is how it has been - trial and error with my meds, but the meds don't do the job properly. They do take the edge of the anxiety and depression, but not my other issues.
When I started reading to learn about my daughter, it was like a lightening bolt through the very centre of my being. My symptoms are right there, on the screen. I have told my gp so many times that I suffer from noise toxicity. I cannot cope with too many noises at the same time. I love loud music in the car, as long as I am on my own. I cannot tolerate anyone elses choice of loud music, or even my own choice if it is at the wrong time. I cannot cope with telly on, kids electronic games, general sounds of getting us all ready in the morning, then someone singing over the top of it all! Strong smells make me feel sick and give me a headache. Strong aftershave and perfume; paint; anything grilling or being fried; woodsmoke; mens shower gel; some cleaning products. With most of these, I get the sickly headache instantly, even before I consciously think about the smell.
The touch thing is a biggy too. It just happened this evening as a friend came up behind me and put her arm around me. I actually recoiled from the clinch automatically as I felt so uncomfortable.
The OCD stuff isn't typical; for instance I don't overly hand wash, but I cannot do the public toilet stuff. I have to use tissue to lower the seat and lock and unlock the door, and flush the toilet. I am totally consumed if pictures are not straight, if chairs are out of line, if something is not absolutely in the middle - just ask my poor long suffering husband about the many jobs around the house that he has had to undo and re-do. He is truly a saint. I even have a miniature spirit level as a key ring, but I don't use it! I actually don't seem affected by things that are ouside of my remit. At work and at home yes, but I wouldn't straighten seats say in a school hall or at the dentist. Incidentally, I have teeth filled with no pain relief or anaesthetic. The drilling does not bother me. I fell asleep during a root canal.
I wear loose casual clothing, just drag my hair back, and cannot bear tight clothing. My hair is clean and quite curly, but I will often not comb it in the shower which makes it clumpy.
I could go on for hours, and will write again soon, because I am SO relieved to have found myself. I have actually discovered myself. It is extremely exciting. I will chat about my daughter too - middle child and only one who exhibits any symptoms. But I didn't expect for one minute to find myself here. I've heard and read about people who have been shocked when they have discovered the real facts. This time it is me. I laughed, I covered my face with my hands in shock, I became excited. This is it. It starts now.
I read about the benefits of Magnesium ages ago for children with sensory problems. It is fantastic. We ran out and after 2 days we were really struggling with my daughter, and I was shocked at where she was at being her true self. I will never run out of Magnesium tablets again, and last night I started taking them too.
Before I sign off tonight, I will tell you that one of my worst symptoms is my finger chewing. When I am lying in bed unable to get to sleep, I can chew for hours, making my fingers bleed, but still do not stop. I cannot believe that this can also be part of this condition. I have beautiful nails, but have the fingers of a leper.
I will speak again soon, and thank you all for this web site. As I have said, I am completely shocked to find that I too, along with my beautiful daughter, fit into this box. At last. Really and truly, AT LAST. xx