Hello everyone,

Id like to share something and ask for your advice... my husband whom I love greatly, has always had a tendancy to "make a big deal" about things I find completely small. Such as a sudden small change of schedule, the sound of a clock ticking (he took the batteries out of my bedside table clock the day we got married haha) etc. He also hates crowds and doesnt like socialising at all unless the group is very small, and even then.... he also hates having his hands dirty, is an EXTREMELY fussy eater, doesnt like being touched, hugged or even kissed on the cheek. (He is perfectly normal when it comes to... intimate times but if its not that, its nothing.) He just has all these little "quirks" that have led me to believe that he by nature is simply a fussy, easily aggravated, over serious person. I came to accept it but it gets me down sometimes and I get frustrated with him for being the wet blanket of life sometimes. I assumed his mother spoilt him and that his dad deprived him of love and the two mixed together just made him the way he is. Seeing as I am quite a happy go lucky person who likes surprises, socialising and trying new things... we were and are, kinda an opposite match made in heaven. Although he annoys me and I annoy him... we NEED each other. I need him because he has many wonderful qualities that I dont have. And he needs me for different qualities. But I guess his behavior/attitude was kinda getting me down.

Fast forward to a few months ago. A mother at our local playgroup has a son...who reminded me alot of my husband. The boy is 4 and she informed me that he has SPD... To which I went "SPwho?!?!" She sent me a link to a website which explained spd in kids. ... I read it and found it interesting but didnt make the connection with my husband still.

Tonight... a few months later, hubby and I were eating out with our two small children (he doesnt like eating out so its rare). We were out on the balcony in a cosy corner since he can't stand being in a crowded cafe or around too much noise. The floor was kind of like a wooden boardwalk. After about 5 mins I could see his face was doing its thing again. He gets this frown and he goes real quiet. I asked him what's wrong? He said
"Cant you feel that??"
Me: "Feel what?"
Him: "That... the floor. Bumping. "

Me: "................ what, you mean when people walk to there tables and the floor slightly vibrates?"
Him: "YES...ugh...why dont they just sit down?"
Me: .......... "its barely noticeable... its certainly not worth getting irritated over it."
Hubby quietly looses his mind mind whilst appearing appearing perfectly composed with a twinkle of "I want to pull my hair out" in his eyes. ....

It was at this point the pin dropped. And when our 18 month old son flicked his straw and a tiny bit of water landed on hubbys hand and he immediately searched for a serviette to remove the droplet of water... I was convinced.

Me: "honey, have you ever heard of sensory processing disorder?" He hadnt. On the way home I googled symptoms, came up with this site and we did the test together. He has SO MANY of the symptoms. He kept saying "yes, yep, story of my life"... we are both convinced he has SPD. And always has since a child. This was a breakthrough in itself. Hubby started to immediately make sense of himself.... and I immediately began to feel horribly guilty. Because some of his behavior hurt and offended me in the past which made me feel guilty. And some of his behavior made me feel angry and think he was being childish. .. knowing that its actually a disorder changed everything and to put it bluntly made me feel like $hit.

After a long talk about it he came out with the remark "ah well now you can understand me better" and it was said in a manner that suggested that this was the end of it. Us knowing means I now have to silently put up with it, end of story. I replied carefully
"Yes it really helps me to understand you better and to sympathize with you. Of course I wont be happy to just now get on with life though. Now that we know I think getting officially diagnosed so we can look Into how you can get some help would be good."

To which he responded with the first excuse he could come up with and with an attitude said "oh yeh and how much would that cost do you think?"sarcastically.

I responded that I dont know. Im willing to find out and do the research if he is willing to consider getting some help to manage the disorder.

He got stroppy and didnt want to talk about it anymore...

So that was that and here I am. Where do I go from here? Im happy we now know whats going on with him. And sad that we never knew sooner. I want to be supportive and understanding but I don't want him to use the disorder as an excuse now to be rude and cold whenever he feels like it. I understand his behaviors are not really a xhoice but I also feel he has a responsibility to now get the help he needs to manage the condition. For his own sake and for mine and the kids.

I know its still fresh. he only discovered all this today! But I want to know where to go from here. I want to be an encouragement but not a nagger. I want to be understanding, but not a doormat if that makes sense.
Words of advice? Links to websites? We are in Australia.

Thanks in advance!