Just making my way around the boards right now. Looking forward to getting to know some of you.

I had honestly never heard of SPD before last week. I ended up picking up a random book at a Chapter's about it and it sounded exactly like me as a child. I am almost 24 years old and am honestly just screwed up. Always have been.

It almost made me mad how obvious I fit into this category. I have a counselor that comes to my house every few weeks. She urged me to go see my doctor so I did in December. She was flip flopping between insisting that I sound like every other new mom that comes in, to wanting to put me on anti-depressants and get me in with the psychologist.

I have two children (4.5 years, and 11 months) & cannot stand how debilitated I feel.

I hate that no one understands me, & that dp thinks I am ridiculous a lot of the time. I freak right out in cars. I can't stand the motion. I feel sick the entire time. I claw up my arms/neck/back as a way to cope. I can deal with short drives with a purpose but last weekend he was driving around killing time with me in the car and I almost broke down crying. It was not fun with me. I HAD to get out.

I get touched out easily - really fun with a nursing cosleeper.
I can't stand large crowds and often retreat.
Fluorescent lights give me headaches.
Scents give me headaches.

Vomiting is a huge phobia of mine. As a child I would throw out any outfit I wore while I got sick & can remember every instance in detail (only 5-6 times ever). As a child I always lined up towels on the floor along the side of my bed and out my bedroom door in case I threw up in the night so that it would be easy to cleanup and wouldn't ruin the carpet. I never ever threw up over the side of the bed, not sure why I did this but it was a good 6 years that I couldn't sleep without my towels.
My daughter gets car sick which really doesn't help with my unease in vehicles. Dp doesn't understand why I literally cannot deal with cleaning the bowl. I will sooner cry and have a panic attack.

The only way I can sleep to this day is on the side of the bed closest to the door with a pillow under my knees, a soft blanket against me, then the sheet and then the comforter. It must be like this year round. In the summer I use a fan and once I get used to that it takes a long time for me to be able to change that.

He has given up trying to teach me anything. Deemed me unteachable because I get frustrated and give up. I just don't understand instructions like I should.

I can't drive right now because I let my license expire. We live in a small town which means I am trapped. The thought of a person sitting there judging me causes me to get sick. It is the same fear I get for something as simple as someone hearing me play an instrument. I LIKE flute. I played it through high school and was pretty good, but ask me to play alone and I can't do it. I can't do anything when people are watching me. I don't do anything 'right'.

Sorry this is long and all over the place. I have another appointment the end of the month and I am hoping that I get an appointment for the psychologist. I have a feeling that the doctor is going to push antidepressants again but I don't feel depressed. Anxious, extremely but not depressed.

I don't handle change well. I moved 8 hours away from friends and family a year ago. Probably one of the worst decisions ever and now there is nothing I can do about it.

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I guess I left out a lot - I was in speech therapy through a lot of grade school. I also had appointments with the school social worker a fair bit. I don't remember a whole lot about it though. I thought it was mostly because I was tongue tied but I have a feeling there is a lot the adults didn't tell me.

When I was 12 I lost 30lbs because I didn't like the taste of food/feel of swallowing. They diagnosed me with an eating disorder and I was in and out of different therapies for years. At some point I started cutting. I was raped by a 'friend' when I was 17.

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I also cry any time I talk about me & always have.

I was recently tested for celiacs too.