Hi, Frubsdad, I am going through similar daily quandaries, and more so as I become more aware of how Bobby's SPD influences his behavior. I have something of a control in that Bobby is a twin, and when his brother isn't engaging in a similar behavior and I can figure out the stimulation pathway, then I have a good idea it's SPD-related. But that's not perfect, because Freddy picks up on his brother's misbehavior for cues.

We have similar struggles about eating at the table, the more so, I think, because I will let them have a finger food meal in the family room at the coffee table as a treat. We're still troubleshooting that. We reintroduced booster seats with straps, but they're very resistant about it, so that creates a struggle in its own right, *sigh*. Those struggles have been magnified lately as they have had two nasty stomach bugs within a month, with associated loss of appetite, and both their not feeling good and the loss of appetite have made us waver on how much slack to cut them.

And, I have to say, Freddy's behaviors can be as disruptive as Bobby's or more so, despite not having something clinically "wrong" with him. Freddy is a super-clingy little boy, and while he is universally deemed adorable and gets more positive attention than Bob, he tends to be selfish and demanding. Bobby, SPD and all, can be a very helpful little boy, especially when you engage him, while Freddy doesn't even seem to have a concept of helping. They're *both* my gifts of patience. The associate pastor of my church confided that her son had SPD and encouraged me as she said her son outgrew most of his behaviors. I told her I wondered whether I need to get in harness for the idea that I have a special needs child, and she replied, "*All* children are special needs children." I made some kind of neutral response, then tried to process whether that was a platitude or a genuinely useful reflection. And I guess what it comes down to is just because a child doesn't have a diagnosis doesn't mean he won't be a PITA.

Maggie