You can go ahead and sign me up as "bad mother of the year"... but I am seriously beyond frustrated. My almost 18 year old daughter was diagnosed with SPD just before her 15th birthday. I feel like absolutely no one understands! Her 26 year old sister thinks she is just spoiled and using this diagnosis to get attention. Her dad (we were never married and broke up when she was 1) is no help at all. She is very immature for her age. She is a senior in high school and is 30 weeks pregnant by a kid who just recently turned 15, flunked his freshman year, is abusive, uses drugs and alcohol to self medicate his manic depression, adhd and bipolar disorder, his dad is a drug user and felon and the boy and his mom have explosive anger issues. My daughter got pregnant during a 6 month stay at her dad's because I didn't approve of her having a relationship with this boy. Dad didn't see a problem with it... neither did the boy's mom, even though I repeatedly voiced my concern about my daughter getting pregnant. When she tested positive, her dad sent her back to live with me. I have cared for her without his support (financial nor emotional) her whole life except for those 6 months. She does not have her drivers license and just recently got hired by Oshkosh for holiday help (through Feb 1) but they have only worked her 3 times, for a total of 10 hours, since they hired her on November 16th. She has not worked since Nov 23rd. She has also been diagnosed with neurocardiogenic syncope and PATs. She sees a cardiologist regularly and is on medication for these conditions. She is also being seen regularly by a high risk OB and a regular OB. The baby is healthy.

I strongly believe that this baby should be adopted. I absolutely do not want to raise another child. My oldest two are healthy adults. This one is my youngest and my goal is to get her to a place where she can support herself financially and live independently. She is very smart and very creative. She is a talented artist and is interested in becoming an EMT after high school. However, she is very immature and very clingy to me. She doesn't look at people when they talk to her and she doesn't talk around other people. She has just recently begun to make and receive phone calls... but she has to prepare herself mentally and sometimes she "just can't do it". She also can't go anywhere alone. She will go in Walgreens by herself on occasion but that is about the only place and it is relatively small and comfortable to her. Again, sometimes she gets too stressed out and can't even go in Walgreens alone. She doesn't have a drivers license or permit. She doesn't work (She has been on call since black Friday but they never need her). She refuses to work in the church nursery or apply at a daycare center because she doesn't like kids. She seems to be thinking of this pregnancy as one looking forward to getting a new puppy. She doesn't process emotions the same way most people do and she doesn't really understand all that being a parent entails... and I know all of this will fall back on me... because she doesn't work or drive and she is still really immature (somewhere between 12-15yo psychologically). I have been praying that God will turn her heart toward adoption but so far that is not happening. She will be 18 when the baby is born in February. So I have recently begun praying that God will turn MY heart toward this baby if HIS WILL is for her to keep him... but so far that is not happening either. I am so frustrated and I really don't know how to get to a place where I am okay with all of these changes in my dreams for our future. Two of my coworkers are giving her a baby shower in January. My mom wants to give her some baby things and people keep asking about the baby's room. So far, I keep refusing to accept or prepare for this baby. I feel guilty for not being supportive but at the same time, she is so far from being ready to be a parent and I don't want her to have to deal with the abuse and dysfunction of the baby daddy and his family for the rest of her life. If she were capable of driving and working and budgeting and taking care of her own day-to-day needs, I would be so much more supportive... but I DO NOT want to raise another baby and I DO NOT want her to have to live with me for the rest of my life. Ugggggh! I am so frustrated and I feel like no one understands!! I really just needed to vent in a safe place....