Have you had your son formally evaluated? You describe what sounds like sensory issues, but perhaps other things as well. The lack of communication at school is important, I think.

My standard reply to people that are having a difficult time trying to figure out their child is to have their child evaluated by a professional who may see things you did not and may be able to pinpoint what is going on more easily than a parent who has never dealt with this sort of thing before. For us, an evaluation was key and it came with many recommendations for how to help.