At a recent dinner with my dad, he told the story of my brother and me as newborns. My brother was an easy baby and slept great. Three years later they had me. My dad said that I didn't want to be put down, needed to have contact to sleep. Hated to sleep alone, he said. Then it dawned on me. I've always been that way.

It was just my brother and me, so we had separate bedrooms. But I always wished I had a sister so I could share a room. I would wake from nightmares and crawl in next to my mom. I felt so at peace and safe there. I grew out of it and slept in my own room eventually. Fast-forward to college. I started dating my now-husband. Once we started sleeping together (don't mean physical intimacy, mean sleeping), I felt that same peace and safety again. I hadn't realized how much I hated sleeping alone until having him next to me with his arm around me. I didn't realize I had the anxiety and tightness in my chest until it was gone. When he goes away on business now, I don't sleep as well.

I really wish I could go back in time to when my kids were younger and redo some things. I let people tell me that children must sleep in their own beds in their own separate rooms. I wish I hadn't listened to "them" and I wish I knew about SPD sooner. I don't think children should always be in the parents bed. Both my boys were in our bed until about 6 months old (for easier nursing) until they became too wiggly and active for anyone to sleep. Then they were in a crib in our room for several more months. But then I started to hear all the "he needs to be in his own room and sleep by himself" and I listened. That's when the years of terrible sleeping started with my older son. From 1 to 7-8 years, I dreaded bedtime and getting him to sleep.

I think it's fine to make a spot for the child in the parents' room, not in the bed necessarily, but nearby. The husband and wife have priority in the bed together, but a sleeping bag (my SIL did this with her son) or a cot or a spot somewhere for the child to feel more secure and be able to sleep better. The most important thing is that you need to find what works for your family to allow everyone to sleep well.

I am also a big fan of melatonin. It helped my younger son a lot since he is very sensitive to any sleep shortage. My older son was an awful sleeper, peaked at age 6-7 years old (took up to 3-4 hours each night) and I wish I had tried it sooner with him. By the time I tried it, he was improving anyway. By 8, it took him about an hour. By 9, about 30 minutes. Now it takes him 15ish minutes. My younger is 7. If he's having trouble settling down, then he takes the melatonin and asleep not long after.