Hi! I'm new here. I'm so glad to have found a place to ask this question because I've been getting blank stares from people I've asked who I thought should have answers.

My son was diagnosed with SPD about a year ago. He's 7. I wasn't really happy with the way the evaluator (dev ped, not a p.neuro,which I wanted) ran the evaluation. She barely glanced at my son. I'm looking for someone else to give a second opinion, but in the meantime:

My son does have sensory processing disorder and it's obvious. But it's only obvious at home. And not in front of strangers, but in front of people he knows well enough not to be shy in front of.

But that isn't his only problem. He is also about 2 years behind on an emotional level, and he doesn't really get being social. His friends are the kids in his class who are also below level when it comes to maturity. He doesn't really know what to do when a stranger asks him a question, he doesn't respond properly even when his friend talks to him. He's a great kid but he can't use "hi," "bye," "please," and "thank you" properly. He knows he has to because we tell him to, but he doesn't understand why he should. Of course we've told him countless times, but I don't think he really understands. He doesn't use these words without being prompted.
He doesn't play properly with his siblings or friends either. His idea of finding something to do is to go up to his siblings individually who are all playing nicely and take their toy away. If I asked him if what he's doing is the right way to play, he'll say "no" and jump up and down with frustration and boredom. He can't find his own toy unless I help him. He sounds 2 years old but he's seven. In school he wouldn't dream of taking a toy away from a classmate because he knows it's wrong, doesn't want to be punished, and is kind of intimidated by his classmates.

Sorry this is so long, my main point is that he has big social/emotional problems. So when I went for an evaluation, I was thinking he'd be diagnosed as being on the spectrum, but the evaluator was adamant that one can have SPD and big social issues and not be on the spectrum. Yet, almost everybody I've talked with tells me that their children were diagnosed as ASD for these same things. Not that I want my child to be on the spectrum, but I need accuracy so I can get him help.

My son is very high-functioning and no doubt seems normal to many people who don't really know him. He has some of the "autistic elements" like a weirdly strong memory, being very visual, a very strong fear factor, loves maps especially of highways and transit systems, he has almost no imagination at all also.

He has the kind of memory where he can remember almost everything (except when I tell him something, LOL), like what day certain things happened- randomly he'll tell me that he went for an eye appointment on a Wednesday 3 years ago, or my birthday was on a Friday 4 years ago. He gets straight A's in school for now because he simply memorizes what the teacher says and spits back the information. He doesn't understand any of it though. His comprehension is pretty weak, sadly.

I don't think he really relates to people or things. He's never ever played any imagination game since he was born. When he draws a picture it's of highways and cars driving. (He loves cars and roads.) When he plays with blocks, he builds a parking lot every single time. He doesn't drive the little cars around, he just sets them up and they sit there until clean up time. He did start building from blocks a stage for his favorite singer's show and a section for an audience. Again, it all just sits there, he doesn't actually play or move the blocks around to perform different things, or whatever.

So what I'm asking to fellow SPD'ers or parents, is does this sound like typical SPD personality, or am I right to think that this is more ASD behavior?

My son also has a lot of anxiety, including selective mutism.

Thanks in advance for any insight!