The whole "pick your battles" is important to remember. But I do think it's important for you and your husband to be in the same bed too.

We've had a huge struggle with getting our older son to sleep, it was really bad for about 3 years. Part of the reason was that we didn't have the SPD diagnosis yet, and partly because we let the judgments of others decide what is right for our family. "They" decided that children should sleep alone in their own bed, in their own room.

Finally, we just went with what works for us and our sons. Hubby and I take turns putting one of the boys to bed, the other puts the other son to bed. Bedtime is pajamas, potty, brush teeth, read books, then tuck into bed...and then we sit until he's asleep. Younger one is in bed by 8-8:30 and older one is in bed by 9-9:30. We try for the earlier times when school is in session, later times for weekends. We've tried again and again to be able to just tuck them in and leave, but it just seems to aggravate the whole house. Especially with my older son, his anxiety seems to peak at bedtime, all his worries come out then. So we sit. Yes, it was hard on the nights that it used to take older son 3 hours to fall asleep and I'd be antsy thinking about all the things I still needed to do or things I wanted to do. But in the long run, it was what was best for our kids. And now, it takes them only 15-20 minutes at the most to fall asleep, so we can still have a little time for us at night.

I don't see falling asleep on the couch necessarily as a bad thing. I'm not going to knock it. I understand about Tasmanian devils--my almost 7 year old is constantly turning and kicking in his sleep. That's why we need to move him over to our couch. More in a minute...

---

So yeah, doesn't sound like it works to have her in your bed, but maybe it's worth trying to make a spot for her in your room some place. If it keeps you and hubby in the same bed and her staying asleep or being able to fall back to sleep sooner, then I'd try it.

You could also try looking through Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr Weissbluth. I read that when older son was 10-11 months old. I liked a lot of things in there. And found his idea that Sleep Begets Sleep very true. The more they sleep, the more they'll sleep. I'm probably not saying it too clearly but it might be worth looking at it and trying some of the ideas that appeal to you. Most deals with infants but there are sections about children too.