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+--- Thread: Handling spirited child when you have SPD (/thread-971.html)
Handling spirited child when you have SPD - nala - 07-26-2013
I would appreciate any advice about handling a spirited child when one has SPD. Many situations with her make me feel claustrophobic, for lack of a better term (taking care of her by myself, flying, etc.) because her screaming and constant motion triggers my sensory issues big time. I try very hard to remain calm and use pedagogically useful methods, but I can tell that I often literally stop breathing when she acts up.
She may have sensory issues as well, but it's fairly early to tell how serious they are.
RE: Handling spirited child when you have SPD - tired mom - 07-26-2013
Not sure I can help much, but I think I must be in a similar situation but maybe not as bad.
When you say you have SPD, I'm guessing that means you are more hypersensitive? Get overstimulated easily?
My daughter is a sensory seeker and I'm more the opposite. How old is your daughter? I don't know at how young of an age they can be evaluated by an OT for SPD.
My daughter doesn't scream for the most part, but she sometimes gets overly close in my face and is very loud. Sometimes that can be hard, mostly I'm just really tired.
RE: Handling spirited child when you have SPD - nala - 07-27-2013
Yes, hypersensitive and overstimulated is exactly right.
My daughter is three and is a mix of sensory seeker and hypersensitive. She moves constantly (e.g., having her sit still for a meal is a battle), is strong-willed, and has a lot of annoying little habits that involve repetitive motions or sounds that are very grating for someone like me. She doesn't seem to get tired in the traditional sense despite all the activities and hours of outdoor time she has every day. If anything, her version of tired is to be more hyper than usual.
She is bored easily, doesn't like to play by herself, and requires non-stop close supervision (obviously, all toddlers need supervision, I am saying that she needs more than others). She is a smart, funny, and delightful child, but she doesn't take no for an answer, screams and throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way, and wants things done in a very particular way or she'll lose it. I have quite a bit of help to take care of her and she still manages to wear everyone out. I love her, but it's hard when a child is bossy, irritable, angry, and stubborn to this extent. The constant motion and the screams, combined with the anxiety I feel over her frequently careless behavior (again, comparing to other toddlers, not to older children or adults), put me in a state of perpetual tension when around her.
RE: Handling spirited child when you have SPD - LAC1961 - 07-28-2013
The best book I've read to manage SPD behavior is: Effective Parenting for the Hard to Manage Child by Georgia DeGangi and Anne Kendall. The best thing about the book is you only have to read the chapters applicable to your child/family and can ignore the rest.
RE: Handling spirited child when you have SPD - nala - 07-29-2013
Thanks, LAC1961, I saw it mentioned in another thread and ordered it. But while that may help with the kid's SPD, what about one's own?
RE: Handling spirited child when you have SPD - LAC1961 - 07-29-2013
Not sure how it would help your own SPD, but if you've ordered it anyway, perhaps you can find a way to modify it for yourself. There is a chapter about self-care. Good luck!!
RE: Handling spirited child when you have SPD - subtledawn - 10-20-2013
you said you have a lot of help, but perhaps you just still need more?
I feel like I'm in a similar situation but don't have much help so it's just me and her dad and her dad's parents on occasion (like once a week or two).
I find touching other people to be really uncomfortable, and while I love her and like to cuddle her, she gets hyper and likes to try to climb on me. Her dad lets her be very aggressive with him which irritates me because she gets mixed messages. I tell her to be gentle and not climb on me or anyone else but if she does it to him he just doesn't care, so she thinks its okay.
otherwise we are very similar, sensitive to noise, sensation of clothing. She is sensitive to light (she won't let us have any lights on during the day because they hurt her eyes and wants the curtains closed, this part is hard for me too because I get depressed without lots of light, I feel like I'm sleepwalking, but if I turn on the light she freaks out until I turn it off again).
Don't know how old your daughter is but hopefully as she develops the ability to understand empathy it will get easier. I am always amazed at how well kids understand you if you are straight with them, regardless of the child having any kind of 'disorder'.
Not sure if you have or not, but you could try explaining to her that what she is doing hurts you. I've done this with my daughter with at least temporary success. I do have to repeat myself a lot, but it's worth a try.
I've had to do this with many other kids as well. I've done tons of childcare and sometimes kids will listen if you use the right words and tone of voice. Simple language that they understand while not sounding degrading or condescending.
You could try saying, "honey I like that you're having fun, but all your jumping makes me feel dizzy.." or 'when you scream that loud it really hurts me,". Maybe you could teach her to scream into a pillow or in a certain room or something where she can close the door and not bother you? Sometime my daughter is more willing to be alone if I let her do something that would otherwise annoy me, like being too loud or jumping on me, I tell her she can go in another room and close the door and yell all she wants but not in the same room as me, I tell her she can jump on the bed but not on me. (her bed is on the floor so she can't get hurt, but I'd like to get a mini trampoline for her to use inside instead). Although I do often remind her that other kids usually get in trouble for jumping on their beds she she should be happy to be allowed to. This usually works for getting her off my lap and onto the mattress instead, which I prefer.
Hope it gets better with time, if she does show signs of SPD you should get her evaluated. There are lots of physical therapy activities that could help her to control her energy and not be in your face as much.
I think if I'd had my SPD recognized at a young age my spd wouldn't be so bothersome now because I'd have learned more ways to control it.