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+--- Thread: Hey, that sounds like me???? (/thread-859.html)
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Hey, that sounds like me???? - frubsdad - 01-30-2013
Hey All,
Since I received some really good feedback re my first sensory question on the board, I thought I would throw out another at ya'll. My little guy has SPD...after so much research on the topic...I am certain I too have SPD.
For so many years I was mis-labeled as hyper active, ADD, lazy, bad listener, bad at following directions, not remembering things, unorganized, and just not very smart. Let me tell ya...it is great on the ego.
Luckily, I too have a strong sense of will. When somebody told me I couldn't do something...I figured out a way to make it possible despite all the distractions. Hopefully I can pass this down to my little guy.
The deeper I understand SPD, the more I am beginning to learn about myself. My constant toe tapping, racing thoughts, irritation by big crowds, constantly playing with the hair and biting my finger nails, lack of organization, lack of remembering every little detail people tell me, ughhhh reading something and not remembering what I read on the last several pages, etc...etc....etc. All of my little quirks are classic SPD.
One thing that makes me sad/embarassed is when these issues come up between my wife and I. I feel...excuse my expression..."dumb". It isn't because I am not paying attention to her when she speaks, or that I am trying to get under her skin by tapping my foot, or that my mind races when we argue, or that I can't express exactly how I feel and end up saying something not even close to my feelings out of frustration. I think I do a pretty good job of keeping these things under control, however, there are times I just want to jump out of my skin from bottling it all up.
With time I think she will see a lot of my quirks for what they are...hopefully she doesn't go nutty in the process.
I know dealing with us can be difficult at times. She puts her heart and soul into our family and I appreciate it more than I could even begin to explain. I try to make up for all of my quirks by helping her around the house, taking the kids out of the house so she can rest her mind and body, and assisting with meals/cleaning.
Whew...that is a lot of info.
Frubsdad
RE: Hey, that sounds like me???? - heather40 - 01-30-2013
Sounds like she is a lucky lady! To even have you on here trying to get information about yourself and son says a lot about the kind of person that you are. Good for you. Not too many men I have come across are like this. ( guess that 's why I am divorced! lol)
RE: Hey, that sounds like me???? - shorrocksalot24 - 01-30-2013
Wow - I second that heather - I am not divorced - but.......I wish my husband would have understanding for my son, let alone me - who is far more severe on the SPD situation.......
Frubsdad - keep up the great job!!! You will be your sons best advocate - I know from experience(with my son) that just having one - makes all the difference in the world!!! You seem to be like a very strong, perceptive person, that is anything but "dumb". Your wife is a lucky lady!
stacey
RE: Hey, that sounds like me???? - LAC1961 - 01-31-2013
It sounds like you've learned great adapting skills, which is the goal for anyone with SPD. You will definitely be able to pass those on to your son. Thanks for sharing.
RE: Hey, that sounds like me???? - frubsdad - 01-31-2013
Thank you for the replies. I recently read mention of a topic that really struck a chord with me and thought I would share.
Recently, I was doing research on SPD and found something that really caused me to sit back in my chair and think for a moment. All of my life, I've struggled internally with confrontation. Be it with my folks when I was a wee one, my wife, or even folks here at work. I understand folks with SPD constantly struggle with the "way" things are around us. Be it sounds, smells, tastes, touch, etc. I am beginning to think there is a correlation between SPD and the way we may interpret our thoughts and the way we may perceive things.
For example: Last night my wife was cooking dinner when I got home. While she was cooking, her and I were chatting about something...whilst my little guy was doing his best to distract us from having a conversation. It was like having a marching band in our kitchen between all the noises/smells/distractions/TV in the background etc. Needless to say my description of a particular topic during our conversation may not have been clear. After a few minutes of reconfiguring the puzzle of our conversation I realized my wife interpreted what I said as something different. Thus clarified with her once I had a clear head. She then replies back something like, "Thats not the way you made it sound or said."
Thus I sat there and internalized what she said...I sat there and stewed about it until we were done with dinner. I felt mad, angry, sad, frustrated because the way I interpreted her remark was something like this "Uhhh...why can't you describe things normal. What is wrong with you." I know I am probably my own worse enemy...but after years and years of hearing and internalizing certain remarks...this is the way I see/translate them. It can be both a blessing and a curse.
Does anybody else experience this? Could the two be tied together? Folks with SPD see, hear, smell, and feel things differently...why wouldn't it be the same for the way we think and perceive thoughts?
Thanks,
Frubsdad
RE: Hey, that sounds like me???? - xrobotlove - 01-31-2013
I think the automatic emotions are definitely a result of untreated SPD in adult life. After Years of being misunderstood and/or scrutinized for being "different", we're naturally defensive when it comes to it, regardless of if the person was ACTUALLY scrutinizing, judging, etc. my fiancé surely says things that start a mental loop of feeling bad about myself without knowing it at all. Like if I say "god I want to take a shower" he'll say "uhh. Then just, ya know, go take one..." And in my head, it's as if he's saying "do it like NORMAL people do, you freak!" He has no idea that it just isn't that easy. He means no harm, it's just a lack of mutual understanding.
RE: Hey, that sounds like me???? - LAC1961 - 02-01-2013
I do the same thing, but to my knowledge, I don't have SPD. I think it stemmed from growing up in a house with a controlling father where I didn't feel free to say what was on my mind. Then add to that the guilt feelings that follow. Ugh! It's all part of things we strive to overcome.
RE: Hey, that sounds like me???? - heather40 - 02-01-2013
My son takes EVERYTHING literally! Word for word, he is beginning to understand sarcasm because around me you have no choice! But could it be that because everything is so literal you can't see the "humor' in what people are saying? I told him one day we were running to the store and he got so upset! He said " We are not literally running to the store?!?!?" That is when I realized uh oh he takes everything as it is said! It happens a lot! I have to be careful!!!! My friend's daughter has SPD also and she does as well!!!! So I wonder if it is something that goes along with it and unfortunately sarcasm is misunderstood for being rude.
RE: Hey, that sounds like me???? - Jaffa - 02-05-2013
My son takes things literally too, he is 6. Simple sayings are things to be quizzed because of it.
May I say Frubsdad it is nice to see a male who sounds so helpful to his partner let alone his son with SPD. And to suffer with it too. Good on you. Not many of them about.
Maybe you could help with us who don't have it to understand what the feelings are when you have it from a male perspective. Just wondered if male and female have similar problems sensory wise.
The people on here are really helpful and have helped me to try and understand how it feels to have SPD as I don't have it and don't know anyone with it.
RE: Hey, that sounds like me???? - frubsdad - 02-06-2013
Hey Jaffa,
Ask anything you want and I will do my best to describe. Should any of you have any question, ask me openly or via PM. I have to admit, the anonymity makes it easy to speak freely. This site has been a wealth of information for me and any helpful info I can provide would be my pleasure. In fact, I am beginning to "see" many "things" in a different light.
The more I understand both sides of the fence...the better I understand myself and more importantly help guide my SPD son. I've been attending my son's OT sessions which is like a 2 for 1!!!! I've "borrowed" several of the techniques and methods taught during our sessions and use them at home with my son. I will tweak them and do things a little differently...however, achieving similar results.
Again, I appreciate all the feedback and support.
Frubsdad