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+--- Thread: DH refuses to acknowledge DS's sensory seeking (/thread-742.html)
DH refuses to acknowledge DS's sensory seeking - kath2740 - 09-25-2012
After a lot of frustration on the part of DS (3) and myself in trying to figure out how I was "parenting him wrong," we finally got the diagnosis of SPD sensory seeking. I had been confused, so exhausted, and at my wit's end trying to figure out how why DS does some of the things he does and how just to manage our day to day routine and still have time for DS2 (8 months). DS is a wonderful, happy, energetic boy, but does these things throughout the day:
-running everywhere without regard for stopping, even in parking lots
-banging to make noise and break things
-screaming and shrieking
-throwing toys, pushing over furniture
-dumping/spilling things out
-breaking anything and everything in sight that is not too heavy to pick up
-slamming things
-jumping off of furniture and high places
-putting inappropriate things like trash in his mouth
-drawn like a moth to a flame to lights, electrical outlets, fans, shiny things, loud music going to extreme lengths to play with these things
-climbing on tables to swing chandeliers and unscrew the lightbulbs
-multiple screaming tantrums over transitions even with warning
-physically aggressive - hitting, biting, pinching, slapping
-cannot settle down to sleep, wakes up at night
DS and I are getting some skills to help in therapy, but DH insists DS is a perfectly normal child and he acts this way to get attention, that he cannot play on his own, because I have been "parenting him wrong" and it is "my fault". I have thought from the beginning that something is not quite right with DS (he had colic and never slept as a baby). DH went as far to say that DS would better off with someone else caring for him (I am SAHM right now) because I am "not cut out" to parent him. We continue to get into arguments over approaching how to respond and parent DS, and it makes me feel so disrespected, hurt, and isolated because he sees DS's behavior as my failure. Advice?
RE: DH refuses to acknowledge DS's sensory seeking - LAC1961 - 09-26-2012
It certainly sounds, based on the list of behaviors you provided, that your son is a sensory seeker. Unfortunately, you can't make someone believe it if they've chosen to put blinders on. There are, however, many things you can do at home to address his seeking behavior and teach him to cope with it. I would recommend you read Sensational Kids and Growing An In-Sync Child if you can't see an OT for an evaluation and a sensory diet plan. At least you would have some options for addressing his seeking behavior and making it more manageable. The first thing I learned when my daughter was diagnosed as a sensory seeker was to give her lots of heavy lifting, pushing and pulling activities (move a stack of books from one place to another, fill a box full of toys and push it around the house, pull on resistance bands, make sure she gets a chance to run/play/swing/jump outside every day if it's at all possible.) You can also purchase chew sticks and the like on Amazon for very little money or let him chew gum--this dramatically decreases inappropriate things in the mouth. These are just a couple of things to get you started. The two books mentioned are full of great ideas. I'll be thinking of you. PM me if you have any specific questions. I'm happy to be a support for you.
RE: DH refuses to acknowledge DS's sensory seeking - Jaffa - 09-26-2012
Hi Kath2740,
Ideal for you. It's hard enough having a child with this condition without heartless people telling you it's your fault or that you should give your child to someone else.
Yes these kids are very hard work, I have a 6 yr old who I knew something was wrong and even drs told me he was a normal but hyperactive child. Hey they don't live with him and I am not a new mum, I have 4 other kids too.
Believe in yourself, take time to do lots of hard activities as LAC has said. I have a trampoline in my house for when he needs to do something cos he was always running and spinning etc.
The great outdoors are our saviour, he loves to run, skip, jump, ride bike, scooter etc and i just go and let him loose to run it off for a short while. Too long has the opposite effect.
Good luck
Mum of 5
RE: DH refuses to acknowledge DS's sensory seeking - Indy1 - 09-27-2012
I am so with you Jaffa....the blame the mother thing is the old fall back, and it is always around. 13 years after a diagnosis for my son, I still take crap from everyone, including my husband. Frankly, it is more emotionally draining than dealing with the actual issues with the kids. It is really hard to stay focused when you just want to scream at everybody, who think they have the answers, but have no clue what is really going on. Ahhhhhhh!
BTW, I also had a trampoline, which was GREAT, as well as a large free standing punching bag, the size of a small person. So good for energy and frustration release, and fun.