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daddy issues? - momof2in9 - 09-24-2012
My daughter just turned 2 and ever since she was born she hasnt cared much for her dad it has got a little better but he still cant hold her, hardly ever touch her, cuddle the only thing they can really do that she accepts is her taking his food. I've tried getting them to spend more time together playing all kinds of things she is around me most of the day she sees daddy when he gets off and he tries talking to her playing but she wont give him the time of day. She was really bad when she was a baby when people would come over wanting to hold her most of it was when men would hold her though. So i'm wondering is it a sensory issue does she not like her dad possibly need more one on one time and I even asked her pediatrician she didnt give much help besides because he has facial hair and a few other things but hes shaved and she still wont spend time with him any help would be great! Not sure what to do about it anymore.
RE: daddy issues? - Heather - 09-25-2012
Oh wow
That sounds like a tuff and heartbreaking issue for the two of you. I think it could very well be a sensory issue. My youngest daughter will flip between who she prefers (Myself or my husband) depending on her sensory preference at that time. It sounds like there could be something sensory wise that is causing her to reject wanting her father around. It could be a number of things, smell, pitch of voice, the amount of pressure in his touch (Meaning light touch, normal, or deep touch) My daughter often times will seek her father out when she is having a craving for deep pressure and then come to me when she prefers light touch. Does she have specific preferences for sensory input? If so, maybe her father could adjust certain things so he is more appealing to her sensory needs.
Hope I could help :/ Hang in there ::Hugs::
RE: daddy issues? - momof2in9 - 09-26-2012
(09-25-2012, 08:58 PM)Heather Wrote: Oh wow
I think it could very well be a sensory issue. My youngest daughter will flip between who she prefers (Myself or my husband) depending on her sensory preference at that time. It sounds like there could be something sensory wise that is causing her to reject wanting her father around. It could be a number of things, smell, pitch of voice, the amount of pressure in his touch (Meaning light touch, normal, or deep touch) My daughter often times will seek her father out when she is having a craving for deep pressure and then come to me when she prefers light touch. Does she have specific preferences for sensory input? If so, maybe her father could adjust certain things so he is more appealing to her sensory needs.
Hope I could help :/ Hang in there ::Hugs::
As far as i know she does not have a preference shes only 2 and has a speech delay. Is there anything that he can try or i can look for to help them bond? She is ok to be around him most of the tim, sometimes she gets aggravated if he touches her head and things like that. Also I heard some children when the are sensory seeking they may hit or pinch to get the senses they need or they may be over stimulated not sure exactly but lately when i pick up my son from school she will hit or pinch him. Also she can walk through the house and just pinch him could this be her seeking more stimulation? Thanks for the help too I appreciate any iI can get!
RE: daddy issues? - Heather - 09-26-2012
As far as bonding, maybe her father taking her out by themselves might work. That way it's just the two of them and she can focus on him. In some cities, there are "Daddy and Me" classes that she can do with him. Maybe going to the park or something like that would work too. I know on days my daughter tries to avoid her father, I will just leave and go out for a bit so she is left with only him around. Same goes for when she seeks only him, he will leave for a bit so she has only me around. This has worked for us quite successfully
After one of us is gone, we will typically find her favorite toys and set them out and we will start to play with them so she will come to us. Usually within 10-15 minutes, she will. After that, she is fine Yes, it is true that sensory seekers will hit or pinch to gain sensory input. My 2 year old is notorious for this. Especially when it is myself and my 4 year old. She fill find us just to hit, pinch, or bite. Honestly, I am still trying to figure out ways for her not to use my 4 year old and myself as her stims. She has been working with her OT with that issue. It has decreased, but she still will do it quite a bit (Like 1-2 times a day for each of us) So if your daughter has a OT, talk to them about her using your son as a stim and they can figure out some outlets for her to use instead of him. It does take time though.
RE: daddy issues? - Indy1 - 09-27-2012
Hi.
On the stim and hitting issues, many years ago, when my kids were young, we purchased a free standing punching bag thing, quite a lot like those huge heavy bags that are in gyms, but it stands on the floor and you fill the a large plastic base with water or sand for stability. It was really great, as it can be punched and kicked and pushed up against with quite a lot of force. Also, you may remember from childhood, those large weighted blow up clowns, that you can punch and stuff. They tip over, but generally do not fall over, and pop back to the upright position. They are not as durable as the punching bags/posts, but they have that responsive action, which can be good, or not, depending on the person and the timing. I think both of these things are really great, much better than beating up pillows, which is what my mother used to have me do, although that is good too, as is pounding and flopping on couches, and matresses on the floor to jump on. All of these things were great for my kids to redirect that energy away from people onto safe objects, and they were also fun!!
RE: daddy issues? - GCMom - 09-29-2012
If she is hypersensitive to smell maybe it's a scent she is sensitive to. Maybe its a cologne he wears? The dry cleaning smell of dress shirts? Maybe even his shaving cream or shampoo? I would try to think of anything that could have a smell that he uses but you don't.
RE: daddy issues? - momof2in9 - 09-29-2012
(09-27-2012, 03:11 PM)Indy1 Wrote: Hi.
On the stim and hitting issues, many years ago, when my kids were young, we purchased a free standing punching bag thing, quite a lot like those huge heavy bags that are in gyms, but it stands on the floor and you fill the a large plastic base with water or sand for stability. It was really great, as it can be punched and kicked and pushed up against with quite a lot of force. Also, you may remember from childhood, those large weighted blow up clowns, that you can punch and stuff. They tip over, but generally do not fall over, and pop back to the upright position. They are not as durable as the punching bags/posts, but they have that responsive action, which can be good, or not, depending on the person and the timing. I think both of these things are really great, much better than beating up pillows, which is what my mother used to have me do, although that is good too, as is pounding and flopping on couches, and matresses on the floor to jump on. All of these things were great for my kids to redirect that energy away from people onto safe objects, and they were also fun!!
Thanks thats a great idea they love beating each other up that could be a big problem solver in our house!
(09-29-2012, 12:19 AM)GCMom Wrote: If she is hypersensitive to smell maybe it's a scent she is sensitive to. Maybe its a cologne he wears? The dry cleaning smell of dress shirts? Maybe even his shaving cream or shampoo? I would try to think of anything that could have a smell that he uses but you don't.
That I know of smells do not bother her but i will have to think of different things we use and see if that could be it as well. Thanks for the help everybody!
RE: daddy issues? - emeraldeyes_bc - 09-29-2012
I was going to suggest smells as well, my son who is old enough to tell us now when I asked him why he won't snuggle with me he told me he doesn't like my smell.
It could also be something like the "scratchy face" maybe he held her one day and had a stubbly face and she now associates that with him? Or hairy arms/legs? Or the strength in how he holds her? Breath? Deep voice?
It's very hard to figure out with these kids until you figure out their triggers. Good luck! I know how it feels to have your child not want to be near you :o(
RE: daddy issues? - Jerry Stein - 10-24-2012
That has to be tough on your husband (and for you). I agree with the others that there must be a reason that has not yet been figured out. Is he a smoker? Does he talk loud? Is this a separation anxiety issue? Does she warm up to him more over time if he watches her by himself over several hours or is it always the same?
RE: daddy issues? - heather40 - 10-30-2012
My SPD son told me the other day he prefers being yelled at ( even tho I dont yell lol) by his father because his voice is deeper! ahhahahaahah So could be pitch, could be his hands are really rough, maybe she is sensitive to touch and being aman of course he is going to be a little rougher even if he does not mean to and she may not be able to handle that. SMell, maybe she doesn't like the smell of his soap, cologne, shampoo, etc.... what is his job, does he work in an atmosphere where there is a lot of construction or smells? I know my x is a welder and he would come home smelling like burnt flesh made me want to vomit ( I was pregant so it was amplified lol). Maybe let them go to store together and pick out a soft shirt together and this is his daddy/daughter shirt together, soething to get her to go to him and eventually she will be able to get past whatever it is that bothers her.