Quote:As if it's not already obvious by my other posts, I struggle with anxiety. Day to day basis, to be honest. There's not more than a few hours a day that go by without me anxiously worrying over something or another. I don't get the physical symptoms daily unless something comes up (such as needing to leave the house and interact with people), but I'm constantly worrying and obsessing.
But these aren't the "good" obsessions. They're not the fun obsessive interests that calm me down and let me feel like me, or that get things done. These are the ones that tear me apart inside. I will obsess over the tiniest of details leading up to an event until it actually happens, and only then will I either calm down or go into overdrive and near panic mode. Usually the latter, I've just gotten a bit better at masking it over time. If I don't obsess, then I am much much more likely to break down or meltdown into a full anxiety attack. Hyperventilating, sobbing, stimming and difficulty speaking included. Feels like I got run over by a truck.
Let's take last week as an example. I was referred to a therapist for my social anxiety, but we had to sit down and talk about what exactly my anxiety encompassed. I had no clue what to expect when I got there. I was referred to see someone named 'Travis', but I ended up getting 'Autumn'. I didn't know if the lady I briefly talked to on the phone was going to be my therapist. I assumed she was a secretary.