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Just a thought... - IBKerrys - 06-15-2011
I'm going to wear out my welcome and feel free to tell me to shut up anytime you are tired of hearing from me but for now...
So I have three kids and both of the boys have SPD and have been diagnosed, but I have a girl (3) in between the two boys who was a 33 wk gestation baby. I've read some info somewhere that links SPD and other disorders to genetics. What are the odds that she isn't in one or another of the family of categories? I am not a label er but I am having a really hard time trying not to see characteristics of SPD and various other things in her. I'm sure there are varying degrees yes?
Anyway... on a totally different subject... have any of you had kids that from babies slept TERRIBLY to the point of waking every half hour or more then got a bit better and then started to trend down hill on a speedy path? If so, were there any indicators that started it? Sickness, change in pattern, etc? Have you tried anything that helped? Unlike my 5yo who has ALWAYS had issues sleeping, my 2yo is who I'm referring to now. Just curious. Thanks ladies and gents. Blessings!
Sarah
RE: Just a thought... - LynnNBoys - 06-15-2011
Hi! I think of SPD as being on a scale and having varying degrees. Some have severe issues, some hardly have trouble at all. My older son was officially diagnosed with SPD (and anxiety) when he was 6 (10 now). He's mostly sensory defensive, also has low muscle tone, and a few other things I can never remember or pronounce/spell. He has a very difficult time with transitions and has a lot of anxiety about the unknown/anything new. Early on, we just thought he was very shy and slow-to-warm in new situations. It was his Kindergarten teacher who brought her concerns to us, because he wasn't interacting with the other kids, he was still parallel playing. Then we went from there.
My younger son is 3 1/2 years younger. For a while I thought that he had no signs of SPD. But as he's gotten older, I'm recognizing that he is a sensory seeker. When I would pick him up from preschool, he would run and crash into me to give me a hello hug, he would try to knock me down when I crouched down to hug him. He just loves to crash into things, spin faster, loves bear hugs and being sandwiched between pillows, and just goes and goes and goes. He can't sit next to me, he has to sit on me and give me hugs and kisses (don't mind!), and loves twirling my hair in his fingers. He prefers to eat with his fingers--and he's a very very picky eater. He's 6 1/2 now, about the age when my older son was diagnosed. I've been so torn about whether to get him diagnosed or not. Then main thing is that it's not interfering with his schoolwork (at least not yet). He can hold it together for the most part during the day, then lets it all out at home. Another main thing is that he doesn't seem to have the same anxiety levels as my older son does (and did at 6 yrs old). So yes, I think there are varying degrees--as well as how well they seem to be able to cope with things and life in general. Your daughter probably has some sensory issues, but does it interfere with your or her daily life?
As for sleeping, my older son was a terrible sleeper from infancy. He would only sleep if he was nursing or touching me in some way, or right next to me in bed. He never took a pacifier or a bottle, only me. Looking back, I'm sure he had the anxiety even as a baby. Being a first time mom, I let others and my husband tell me that he needed to sleep on his own. We did the crying it out thing (and I cried my eyes out too). It worked for a short time, but then he was back to not sleeping well. It would take him so long to fall asleep. By the time he was 5-6-7 years old, it would take an hour on a good night and 3+ hours on a bad night. He would cry to me that he didn't know how to fall asleep. We have always had a sleep routine since he was about 10-12 months old, of pajamas, brush the teeth, go potty (when he was older), read books, then bed. I also tried rocking him to sleep, we tried The Floppy Sleep Game book & CD, we tried rewards, tried a night light. We've had the most success with him with a CD of ocean waves as a white noise sort of thing. I had moderate success with joint compressions at bedtime, when he was really agitated. And then a year ago or maybe a little more, I bought weighted blankets and that seemed to help as well. I tried melatonin with him, but had the liquid first and he said it was too spicy. Now I have the chewables, but he still won't take them. And hubby and I take turns sitting in his room until he falls asleep since his anxiety seems to peak at bedtime. So at his peak it would take 3 hours to fall asleep, then around 8 years old, it would take about an hour, by 9 years old it took about 30-40 minutes, now at 10 years old it takes him about 20 minutes. He doesn't use the weighted blanket as much now either, but we do still sit with him until he's asleep.
As for my younger son, he was always the good sleeper. He loved his pacifier--he had it from Day 2. Even the lactation consultant at the hospital said what a strong sucker he was. So as a baby, we could put him in his crib with his pacifier and he'd be out in a flash. Even as he got to be a toddler and preschooler, we could do our bedtime routine, tuck him in and he'd be out in 20 minutes. But sometime last year in Kindergarten, it started to take him longer and longer to fall asleep. He liked his brother's weighted blanket so much that I bought one for him too. Luckily, he didn't mind the liquid melatonin so I gave it to him (now we do the chewables). Without melatonin (just weighted blanket), he takes an hour to fall asleep. With the melatonin and blanket, he takes 10-15 minutes to fall asleep. He tends to be hot when he's sleeping, so I do a fan in his room for cool air and for the white noise.
(FYI-- older son was a 36 weeker and younger son was a 39 weeker.)
RE: Just a thought... - Sensored - 06-15-2011
When my son was young he didnot like to be left alone. He slept well once he was asleep, but until then it was impossible to get him to sleep. The only thing that ended up working was cuddling him to sleep at night. He was our only child, and the ferber method drove me crazy.
Oddly enough, when his sister was born and started sleeping in the same room, there was no longer an issue with sleeping. He would go to sleep at the same time she did (She slept through the night early on) it was like he was soothed by her being there in the same room.
Now, they are excellent sleepers and thank heavens for that... lol
RE: Just a thought... - LaneSensorina - 06-15-2011
I am sensory defensive. We are startled and bothered by all sorts of things: sound, smell, light. Our bodies are hypervigilent, which makes sleep difficult. The sheets, the light, the sound, the pajamas, everything has to be perfect. Yes, having another person nearby (as long as they aren't noisy or smelly, lol) makes us feel safer, which makes sleeping easier. I am surprised anybody can sleep alone. It is only in the last hundred years or so that sleeping alone wasn't an automatic death sentence. In some places we're still not the highest creature on the food chain. I can't sleep with my husband. He snores like a freight train. But I have 75 pound standard poodle, Rumsfeld, who sleeps right next to my bed. I sleep easier knowing if anything is out of place Rumsfeld's alarm will go off and he will protect me.
RE: Just a thought... - beck7422 - 06-15-2011
I have had heavy quilts on my bed since my earliest years despite living in a warm location. When I went to college and it was HOT I had to lower the number of sheets and blankets I had on my bed. Sleeping became tough because the blankets were too light. I eventually settled on cocooning myself in multiple light blankets in order to fall asleep.
I can fall asleep in a sleeping bag faster than any other sleeping aparatus.
As long as the sheets are perfectly balanced, heavy, and I can fall asleep in 5 minutes (exception being in extreme pain prior to getting in the bed). I then sleep like the dead and waking me up is difficult.
If the sheets are not perfectly balanced, I become increasingly hysterical. I have to fix them if I want to sleep. Just happened again last night. Sigh...
RE: Just a thought... - LynnNBoys - 06-16-2011
Lane, I had my own bedroom growing up but I remember thinking a few times that I wished I shared a room with a sibling. I met my now husband when we were 19. After we started sharing a bed, I realized how at peace I felt with him next to me. I had an inner calm that I never knew I was missing. Now when he's away on business trips I let the kids take turns sleeping in his spot.
Beck, I do like the heavier blankets but I hate being hot too. I can't fall asleep unless my shoulder is covered (sleep on my side). But I'm okay if it's just a sheet. If it's really hot, I've arranged the sheet so my legs are uncovered but the sheet is over my shoulder.
RE: Just a thought... - IBKerrys - 06-16-2011
Oh ladies... thank you ALL for your replies! I have gained new insights indeed.
Lane- I think my son fits with you. It seems that EVERYTHING bothers him. I don't know if you saw my last post, but his latest sleep study showed ZERO REM sleep. Just now, as I'm typing this and he is in between my husband and I, he drifted back to sleep and then sat straight up, looked around and plopped back down as if to 'check things out'.
My youngest son and daughter share a room and she sings to him. When she's not in the room and he is (say if she's ill and I'm taking care of her in the other room) I have to rock him to sleep, put him in the crib (that has a tent over it because he likes to climb and jump off of REALLY HIGH things) then fluff her blankets in a way that makes it look like she's laying in bed from his point of view.
My daughter is starting to not want to touch anyone or show any affection at all to anyone. She sleeps like a ROCK and is VERY hard to wake and takes about 40 minutes sometimes longer to fully wake up even from a nap and its like she can't hear what I'm saying to her EVER and her hearing is fine. She refused to eat for 4 days simply because I didn't have what she wanted. I know they say when they are hungry enough they will eat anything but not my daughter. There are other things, but these stick out to me the most at the moment. I'm just about to go crazy most days. Btwn all three of them being the ages they are, and yes, some of it is just their ages, but a lot isn't. Beth throws these tantrums for hours at a time too and she doesn't let things go either. Like today, I was unloading frozen foods from the store and I had unbuckled her car seat and taken her babies and put them on the floor board which she didn't like then, I picked them up and took them to the porch since she was fascinated by the ants on a sucker and she FLIPPED and threw an hour and 45 minute tantrum simply because she wanted to carry them to the porch.
Enough ranting, I'm sorry. Just frustrated.
Lynn,
We have had to stay in our eldest sons room until he fell asleep up until just recently, but he has started to digress once again. He just can't seem to be alone, ever. He always wants 'company' and that would be fine if I didn't have two other kids and a house to take care of. I feel badly for making him stay in his room at times because it just seems he is literally scared of the walls and I simply don't know what to do.
Thanks again and blessings to you all!
Sarah
Until that day...
RE: Just a thought... - LynnNBoys - 06-16-2011
Big hugs about your daughter! Yes, some is the age and some is the SPD. Your daughter's meltdown about carrying her babies to the porch sounds very familiar (not the babies part, but substitute cars or lightsabers or whatever). That's such a tough time (the age range of your kids). I found that when my younger son (D2) was 2-3 yrs old and my older one (D1) was 5-6 yrs, it felt like every day was a struggle. Before, my older son had been used to taking a toy from his younger brother and D2 used to not care. But when they were older, D1 would take toy from D2, D2 would hit D1, then D1 would hit D2 back, then there were two crying kids. And older son had so many meltdowns during the day. I can't remember (or don't want to) how long they lasted, but I know there were too many to count. It was before I'd heard about SPD and before his diagnosis, so I just felt like a bad mom for not being able to handle things.
It does get easier. It'll get better. As they get older and more mature, they'll be able to handle things better. You might be able to learn more of their triggers and avoid them when possible. My older son had a terrible time with sudden loud noises, which caused many meltdowns. Then I found that if I warned him ahead of time, he was able handle it better. "I'm going to turn the vacuum cleaner on now. It's going to be very loud. Do you want to cover your ears or go in the other room?" "We're going into the restaurant and it might be very loud because there are a lot of people in there." Just warning him about things seemed to lessen the meltdowns. He started getting OT in school during 1st grade and then we did a private OT center during the summer between 1st and 2nd grade. By the time he was 8 at the end of 2nd grade, he was already so much better.
Have you checked with the school system about Early Intervention for your daughter? I think they will evaluate kids at age 3 to see if they need any services. I think it would be worth it to look into it. Does your son do any OT or other therapy? How long
Are you able to stagger their bedtimes at all? Do you get any help from a spouse or other family? We had our two boys in the same bedroom for about 5.5 years or so (until just last month, in May). We tried to put them to bed about the same time sometimes but it was always a disaster. Once we staggered their bedtimes, it was so much better. My husband works long hours but one good thing is that he is usually able to help at bedtime. He takes one to bed and I take the other to bed, then we swap the next night. We do the bedtime routine with the younger one, then tuck him in to bed. Then the other person would be starting bedtime routine with our older son in our bedroom, then by the time he was ready to be tucked in, our younger son was already asleep. Then someone would sit with older son until he was asleep. Sometimes I bring laundry to fold while I sit, or do bills, etc., by the light of the nightlight. We had moderate success with sitting for shorter and shorter times, but then something would trigger his anxiety again and we'd be back to sitting the whole time. Luckily, it now takes him a shorter time to fall asleep. But he is the same way as your older son. He hates to be alone. He would have moments of absolute terror at being alone in the room. He has the same separation anxiety during the day (as at night) and freaks if he doesn't immediately know where I am in the house. He's getting a little better, but I do still have to always let him know where I'm going (I'm switching the laundry, I'm letting the dog out, I'm going upstairs, etc).
Do your younger two still nap? That can mess things up sometimes because then they want to stay up later. If they don't nap, then an earlier bedtime might work for them. Then 30-60 minutes later your older son.
Sometimes hubby travels and I have to do the bedtime routines with both of them alone. I've modified it a little bit and have older son in with us while I'm getting younger son ready for bed and reading to him, etc. He'll sit with us and read (when he was old enough), or have a quick snack, or start getting his pajamas on a little early. So if you don't have anyone to help at bedtime, can your older son be with you while you get the younger two to bed? Maybe even set up a sleeping bag for him to lay down on the floor and rest while he's waiting.
Mostly I want to say that it will get better. Hang in there! HUGS!
Just adding on: I didn't finish one of the questions. How long has he had therapy? When was he diagnosed?
Also, was going to suggest weighted blankets for sleeping. I got ours from DreamCatcher ( http://www.weightedblanket.net/index.htm ) They have this on their website: "In researching weighted therapy for sleep and calming, we talked with many therapists, medical professionals and experts in the sensory integration field, and have learned a great deal about how and why weighted products work the way they do. The very short version of the theory behind how DreamCatcher tm weighted products work, is the deep pressure touch stimulation (DPTS) supplied by the weight in our products , is believed to release a chemical in the brain, which naturally calms.
What is the chemical released? Serotonin is the chemical that functions as a neurotransmitter (chemical communicator). Serotonin is thought to be involved in inducing sleep, sensory perception, temperature regulation, and control of mood. Studies have shown that serotonin may be released by deep pressure touch stimulation. Massage and deep pressure releases both serotonin and endorphins. The serotonin acts as a calming mediator for the body while the endorphins act as a happy stimulator for the brain. Together they can bring pleasurable feelings and general elevated moods in both your body and mind. It calms you when feeling anxious.
As an added benefit, Serotonin converts to Melatonin which is the hormone the body releases at night. Studies show that Melatonin aids in giving the body a good night's sleep